Newlyweds
The Newlyweds Shop

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I'll Have The Coffee

Nick and Jessica paw through hundreds of DVDs they've never even opened. Jessica has a minor freak-out when she thinks she bought Dumb and Dumberer instead of Dumb and Dumber. She says that Jim Carrey looks just like the guy from the sequel. Nick says that was probably why they cast him. Jessica then reveals that she hasn't ever seen Raiders of the Lost Ark, but pretends she has. Then Jessica asks what Scarface is. Nick says they're going to watch it, but she whines that she wants to watch Fried Green Tomatoes. Oh, Lord. Kick her out. Right now. What's amazing to me is that people have girlfriends and wives like this, but that they're not all pop stars bringing in hundreds of thousands of dollars. Crazy. Jessica and Nick discuss Scarface, and Nick does a terrible impression and says, "A little bit" when Jessica asks if it's a gangster movie. Hee. She says, "There better be some kissin'." Then they sit and eat pizza and Nick is bummed because Jessica is busy the next day. Seriously, again, I ask. How is this television? They argue about the sheets again, and Nick says they had better feel good on his balls; again, with the balls. He must have a thing about them.

Whistling music starts, which the Captioners describe as "Macabre Organ Music." Wha? Nick and Drew walk around the pool area trying to clean up dead birds that have apparently crashed into the window. Or maybe they've been scared by the crows. Or by Jessica's singing. Montage of Dead Bird Cleaning. They put the birds into plastic bags with a shovel. Nick thinks one of them chirps at him. Drew suggests that he put the dead bird bag into the freezer to scare Jessica. He says he'd be divorced. Shot of crows again. Please stop it.

Inside, Jessica says she's going shopping. And that's it.

Next time on. Nick and Jessica go to do a VH1 taping. In the makeup room, Jessica tries to memorize some lines she has in French. Nick says it's going to take all day. On the set, Jessica says they were supposed to be there for two hours only, but now they've been there for five. Backstage. A PA reads off restaurants for them to order food from. Jessica thinks "Oriental Seafood" is "Anal Seafood." People laugh. The MTV Marketing Department gets to work printing new t-shirts. Also, a high-school band in Detroit rename themselves "Anal Seafood." The mother of the lead singer makes them change it back to "Scab Pickers" the next morning. Nick asks who in the right mind would name their restaurant "Anal Seafood." "That's what I want to know," says Jessica. Bye!

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Newlyweds

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