Newsroom
I'll Try To Fix You

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Sara M: C- | 20 USERS: A
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I'll Try To Lecture You

Will doesn't understand why Brittany Giancarlo's cheating and gold-digging ways are worth writing about. "It's just a take-down piece," Nina shrugs. Will has never heard of such a thing because he's all about Integrity even though this time last year he was telling his audience about the best thing on YouTube.

As 2010 comes to a close, Nina moves in to kiss Will and ring in the new year. Melinda Clarke makes out with a guy with Russell Brand hair. Good for her? Sloan drinks more and stares at her BlackBerry, because beautiful women have such a hard time finding dates. And Will puts his hand over Nina's mouth as she approaches so as not to catch her nasty gossip cooties. "You're just setting out to be mean to someone?" he asks, still somehow not understanding how gossip magazines work. Nina says she doesn't need a lecture. Well, she picked the wrong guy to try to kiss, then, because it's happening!

Nina points out that Will spent the last six months trying to take the Tea Party down. Will says it's not the same because he didn't succeed since they all got voted into Congress and also because the Tea Party is Evil and Wrong and Will is Good and Right. "These are people who are asking for our votes," he says. Wait, so does that mean Nina's hit piece would be okay if it was about a contestant on Big Brother or American Idol? By the way -- you know who doesn't ask to be on television all the time? The majority of the people Will has reported on in his career, I'd bet. You know who does? Reality show contestants. Will says he tries to report about things that "are of national importance." Nina says the world should know the truth about Brittany's secret daughter. "It's entertainment," Nina says. Will says it's wrong, but there's hope for Nina. "You can be part of the change. You don't have to write gossip," Will says; "I'm not putting you down. I'm just saying that what you do is a really bad form of pollution. It makes us dumber and meaner and is destroying civilization." Because no one ever gossiped before gossip magazines were created. "I would have more respect for you if you were a heroin dealer," Will says. "Fuck you," Nina says, showing admirable restraint. "You just passed up a sure thing," she adds, because she is on the side of Evil and Wrong and therefore is also slutty. She tries to walk away, but Will grabs her arm. This show gets more and more like 7th Heaven every week. Jeff Daniels is even starting to look like RevCam. My recapping life is coming full circle.

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Newsroom

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