Unintended Consequences

Episode Report Card
Sara M: B+ | 101 USERS: B
Maggie's Bogus Journey

Marcia comments that Maggie's flight was probably very comfortable because first class is awesome. Maggie says she and Gary only merited economy class, and even then just barely. They arrived in Uganda around 8 in the morning, met their "fixer" (the guy who basically saves Maggie from herself whilst traveling in a foreign country), were impressed by his credentials with National Geographic and The Amazing Race, and then had to go directly to the orphanage, Army's orders. Maggie says the drive to the orphanage can take between four and nine hours, depending on the roads. Marcia doesn't understand how Africa works. "Sometimes there's mud. Sometimes there's a genocide," Maggie says. Well. Good to know genocides only add on five hours to one's commute. That's almost as bad as LA.

And now we're in Africa! Or whatever set is filling in for Africa. Gary Cooper spends 100 miles of the trip filming the drive from the bed of the pick-up truck because their fixer, Ronald, told them he might see a few drug lords. He doesn't. Which … what was he going to do if he did? Film them while driving past? How would he even know who the drug lords were? That's dumb. Ronald tells Gary Cooper as much. "There were no drug lords," Maggie tells Marcia. "And I didn't see one animal I haven't seen in my apartment." Wow, I didn't know that Maggie kept sheep and chickens in her apartment!

They arrive at the orphanage. The army guy runs up and greets them and makes fun of Gary Cooper's name. Maggie says Gary Cooper started off by getting "B-roll of the soldiers," and then we see him filming interviews with the soldiers which I'm pretty sure is not B-roll. Not that it matters, as I'm sure Gary Cooper and/or Maggie forgot to take the lens cap off and this footage will be unusable.

They head inside to meet the orphans, who are in the middle of school. Maggie introduces herself to Pastor Moses and then Gary Cooper walks in with the camera and scares the shit out of all the children, who confuse it for a gun. They scream and cry and duck under their desks. Gary Cooper feels pretty bad right about now. Marcia asks if that was all that happened, then. It would be pretty funny if that was the entirety of Maggie's Traumatic Trip to Africa, actually. And make a lot of sense. But of course, there's more! While Maggie is trying to calm down the rest of the kids, she sees one sitting off to the side, clutching a book.

Back at ACN, Neal and Dantana tell MacKenzie about Shelly's NGO friend and the unlikelihood that they'll ever find him now. Neal says he got Shelly to agree to help them on one condition: that Will apologize to her. On the air. MacKenzie says that's never going to happen, ever. Especially since Will doesn't know what Genoa even is. He's being deliberately kept in the dark in case they need him to check it for holes when it's done and ready for air. Well, we already know that's not going to go very well, don't we?

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