Charlie's feeling so powerful right now with his tape that he compares himself to various Mafia movie characters. He can't think of any who didn't die horribly, so he changes the subject to Republicans and how Will is one. Will insists that he's changing the party "from within." That's better than what everyone else is doing, which is apparently letting the Democratic party get away with whatever they want because they're under the assumption that Democrats do nothing wrong, ever.
Remember gossip columnist Nina Howard from last season? Well, she's back, too! And she somehow knows that Will didn't have the flu on 9/11. And she's going to write about it. ACN's press person recommends not responding to Nina at all and wait for the story to disappear. Oh, I'll bet that's what the press person recommends. Do you know how hard it is to get journalists/journalism organizations to go on the record about anything? Charlie says they can also just lie and say Will had the flu.
Will thinks there's a third way: he tries to "civilize" Nina. "I really thought we were done with the mission to civilize," Charlie sighs, as do we all. He wants Will and ACN to keep quiet. Will wants to tell the truth and "appeal to [Nina's] god-given humanity." Yes. Because only an inhuman monster would dare say that a primetime anchor wasn't allowed on the air on 9/11. Charlie doesn't think gossip columnists have any humanity. "The bitchiness has to stop, Charlie!" Will says. I'm not sure how not responding to Nina is exactly "bitchiness."
"Snark is the idiot's version of wit and we're being polluted by it!" Will says. OMG you guys. It's so true. I have been polluting your minds for years with these recaps. I am not a human. I've got to stop this, NOW.
Instead, I'm going to be more high-brow like Will, and damn to hell (and wish death on) a bunch of people I've never met on a national TV show because they booed someone. Not to say that I agree with what those people did, but how is saying they can't go to hell soon enough any better?
Will thinks "one great man" can stop gossip columns forever. I think he should die and go to hell. Charlie makes fun of him, so he should die and go to hell, too. Oh, fuck it, I'm going back to snark. Wit is such a downer. Will says he's going to meet with Nina. "Nothing about that idea is good," Charlie says. But he agrees to have Nina in for an off the record meeting with Will anyway. Yes. Because Nina's all about journalistic ethics. Charlie says Will is a "delusional drag queen." I guess cross-dressing jokes are witty.