Previously on Alias: [Riiiiiing! Riiiiing riiiiing!] "Hello?" "Help! I'm trapped in a coffin! Sara M knocked me out and buried me alive!" "Oh. [pause] Well, is Sara M still outside in the real world?" "I…guess so? But I'm not! I'm buried alive! Someone help me!" "So Sara M can cover your recap?" "I…yeah. Sure. Whatever. Sars. I AM IN A COFFIN." "Yeah. That sucks, dude. Let me know if you get out in time to cover the next episode, okay? You should probably hang up, though. If you want to conserve your air." [Click.] "He-- hello? Sars? Anyone? WON'T ANYONE HELP ME?" [Riiiiiing! Riiiiing riiiiing!] "Hello?" "Hiiiii. This is Celeste from Verizon? I'm afraid that last call you made was outside your call area." "YEAH? NO SHIT, CELESTE. I'M IN A COFFIN." "Okay, greaaaaat. You do know that you'll be charged double-extra-overtime-long-distance for that call, okaaaay? That'll show up on your next bill. And thank you for using Verizon. Buh-bye now!" [Click.] "[Whimper.]"
Luckily, a couple of Goth kids happened by my gravesite in search of real human bones to dig up and turn into unusual earrings and tongue adornments, and they were kind enough to help me out of my early grave. I had to sign a document promising to leave my femurs to them, however, so I hope my family isn't planning on an open-casket funeral. At any rate, thanks? I guess? To Sara M for covering for me while I was SIX FEET UNDER. It was the least she could do, of course, considering how SHE PUT ME THERE AND EVERYTHING.
I'm back. I'm covered with dirt. And I'm ready to recap. Yee. And haw.
We open with a night shot of Washington, D.C. and quickly move indoors to the cupola at the CIA building. You know, the one with all the stars commemorating the fallen CIA members? That's the one. So, some worker is putting the finishing touches on one of the stars as some sad, sad horns play. Vaughn approaches, looking utterly delicious in a dark suit. He watches the man work as a voice-over declares, "On behalf of the Central Intelligence Agency, a grateful nation thanks you for your father's sacrifice. This star on the wall is in some ways too small a gesture. Bill Vaughn dedicated his life in service and commitment for his country. His death in the line of duty is a tragedy for his loving wife and his young son…" The voice trails off on that "young son" part and it's then that we realize this is probably just a dream or something. This is reinforced by the clicky spy music that starts playing and the fact that Vaughn sticks his finger into the star and realizes that it's just paint.