Writers: [crickets]

Katie: See? Even they don't know. Anyhow, you want me to summarize my story, too? There's flirting and hand holding and fun stuff with an intriguing guy.

Recapper: I'm going to wait on that. I've got to get to JJ's story now, and it's even worse than this allergy thing. But will you stay on call in case I start losing my will to live.

Katie: Of course I will. I'm indispensable.

At the High School...

JJ: So, Michael Oher and I are in math class, right? Professor Dick hands back our tests. I've got a B+, but Blind Side gets a giant F.

Michael Oher: MY NAME IS KENNY!

JJ: Dude, let me do the talking. I haven't steered you wrong yet, have I?

Michael Oher: Oh, no, not at all. So far, your help has gotten me accused of cheating and now Dick is going to get me kicked off the football team. In JJ I trust.

JJ: Anyhow, I know Michael Oher's grade is hinky, on account of the fact that I've been tutoring him. I look over his answers, and find that he got a lot right, too, so I take it up to Professor Dick, right, and I'm all WUWT? And Dick is all, "CHEATERS BE GONE FROM ME!" And I'm all, "But we didn't cheat." And Dick is all, "You must have, because I can't teach for shizzy." And I'm all, "NO FAIRSIES!" And Dick is all, "Neener neener neener." So, genius that I am, I decide to take the law into my own hands, because those are the values being instilled in me at home, right? So I hack into the school's grading system, on Professor Dick's computer, at Professor Dick's desk, and change Michael Oher's grade to a B. So of course I get caught.

Recapper: Have you been wearing your mother's lip gloss?

JJ: No, that's the weird thing.

Recapper: Uh...yeah.

JJ: Anyhow, Dick has a conniption, and calls my parents. They're wicked pissed at me for taking the law into my own hands, even though those are the values being instilled at home, so I point that out, and they totally cave. SCORE! My dad even goes to the school, to have a talk with Dick, but Dick, being all dickish, just dicks us around and then gets into his car and takes off. As he's driving out of the parking lot, the fricking carjacker smashes right into him, and some pipe thing pierces Dick's aorta. My dad tries to rip the door off Dick's car to free him, but he goes all limp again.