Michael Oher: MY NAME IS KENNY!
JJ: Dude, let me do the talking. I haven't steered you wrong yet, have I?
Michael Oher: Oh, no, not at all. So far, your help has gotten me accused of cheating and now Dick is going to get me kicked off the football team. In JJ I trust.
JJ: Anyhow, I know Michael Oher's grade is hinky, on account of the fact that I've been tutoring him. I look over his answers, and find that he got a lot right, too, so I take it up to Professor Dick, right, and I'm all WUWT? And Dick is all, "CHEATERS BE GONE FROM ME!" And I'm all, "But we didn't cheat." And Dick is all, "You must have, because I can't teach for shizzy." And I'm all, "NO FAIRSIES!" And Dick is all, "Neener neener neener." So, genius that I am, I decide to take the law into my own hands, because those are the values being instilled in me at home, right? So I hack into the school's grading system, on Professor Dick's computer, at Professor Dick's desk, and change Michael Oher's grade to a B. So of course I get caught.
Recapper: Have you been wearing your mother's lip gloss?
JJ: No, that's the weird thing.
JJ: Anyhow, Dick has a conniption, and calls my parents. They're wicked pissed at me for taking the law into my own hands, even though those are the values being instilled at home, so I point that out, and they totally cave. SCORE! My dad even goes to the school, to have a talk with Dick, but Dick, being all dickish, just dicks us around and then gets into his car and takes off. As he's driving out of the parking lot, the fricking carjacker smashes right into him, and some pipe thing pierces Dick's aorta. My dad tries to rip the door off Dick's car to free him, but he goes all limp again.
Jim: Et tu, JJ?
Recapper: I told you to shoo!
JJ: Should I get to the really dumb part yet?
Recapper: Oh, right. That's not even the dumbest part. Um, no. I need a little break. Let's see. I don't want to waste Katie, yet. Let's check in with Daphne.
Daphne: FINALLY! Okay, so I'm still flirting with Brett, right? And he's like wicked cute and I'm like wicked crushing on him, so I read his mind, find out he likes all things Japanese, so I tell him I'm fluent in actual JAPANESE.
Recapper: So you've been wearing your mother's lip gloss?
Daphne: Nope. I was never smart to begin with, because I'm a girl, so my "smarts" are all written off as "intuition."
Recapper: Ah yes. Continue.