No Ordinary Family

Episode Report Card
Cindy McLennan: D+ | Grade It Now!
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Totally Ordinary Time Suck

Daphne: Well, I can't get JJ to help me on this date, so when Brett and I go out for sushi, I decide to read the chef's mind. When I say I want to order something adventurous, I hear the chef think of a few different options by their Japanese names, so I order them. When he delivers the first one, he calls them, "Dancing Prawns," which means they're totally alive and kicking shrimp! Brett is impressed, if disgusted. The next day, I read his mind and learn he totally wants to break up with Beeyotch. For me. I'd like nothing more than to go out with him, but not like this, so I cop to lying about my expertise in art last week and Japanese this week. Brett is pissed, but I can't blame him. I tell him I need to figure out who I am, and the way he looks at me, I think he's a little impressed that I was so honest about my dishonesty.

Recapper: That's it?

Daphne: Yep. Sorry. You've got to do the rest of the JJ story now. I am so glad I'm not involved.

JJ: All right, let's make this quick, because it pains even me to relive it. Professor Dick's aorta has been pierced by this pipe, and the doctors are just leaving it in him, because if they take it out, he will die. But if they leave it in, he will die, too. I mean what? So, I realize that my mother is the only person alive fast enough to operate on him. So what if she hasn't done surgery since med school, and so what if she's actually a biologist, not a doctor, in the first place? I figured out what was wrong with Grandpa's car. I can surely direct her through stealth cardio-thoracic surgery, right?

Recapper: I can't even look at you, never mind acknowledge you, kid. Just pretend I'm not here.

JJ: So I hack into the hospital's computer system, find an available operating room, and talk my parents into this crazy scheme. Dad stands guard while Mom and I remove the pipe from Professor Dick.

Recapper: Who's going to remove the pipe from the writers' mouths?

JJ: Hey, I'm not finished. So even though we're successful with the pipectomy, Professor Dick still crashes, because we cannot divert from formula. Mom realizes there must be another tear. She finds it, stitches it up, and he's all better. And of course there's a little conflict out in the hall, too, when a real surgeon wants to get in the O.R., but dad handles it okay. Do you want the deets?

Recapper: Heavens, no. KATIE WHERE ARE YOU?

Katie: Reporting for duty, Madame. Okay, so here's some fun stuff that will hopefully restore your will to live, because you make up a good 25% of our audience. Now, should I let Will tell his part of our story, or do you want me to do the whole thing?

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No Ordinary Family

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