No Ordinary Family

Episode Report Card
Cindy McLennan: N/A | 2 USERS: A+
Cross Your Heart. Hope to Die. Stick a Needle in Your Eye.

Rick James: No, but your show is, bro.

George: Please don't rub it in. Anyhow, freaks are changing and turning here, there and everywhere. I look at my hands, but they look the same.

Powell Pad...

Jim: Back at our house, I ask Jim what any of this has to do with us.

Hawkins: I explain that it's recently come to our attention that the Powells are...

Recapper: WAIT!

Stephanie: You're conscious. Yay! Are you all right?

Recapper: Ish. Let's just not talk about RevCam. Oh shit I'm getting woozy. Don't mind me if I talk to you with my head between my knees.

Writers: Careful, we tried that once and our heads got lodged in our asses.

Recapper: That explains so much. Anyhow, Agent Hawkins, please repeat your line again, but pause and let everyone join in for the three words I didn't let you say.

Hawkins: Um...okay? Let's see. I was talking to the Powells. Okay. I've got it. It has recently come to our attention that the four of you are...


Recapper: Thank you.

Hawkins: Not a problem, Miss. Anyhow, these are no ordinary plane crash victims. Mr. and Mrs. Powell, the government needs your family's help.

JJ: We all look around at him like, haven't you got the memo, dude? This show is dead in the water.

Recapper: And scene!

Stephanie: I was thinking maybe we all look at Hawkins like that because of my trip to the future.

Recapper: I suppose it's possible, but when that all happened, you not only came to the government's attention, you also came to the media's attention. Government response would have to be severe, were the public to become aware of you. If/since you're their little secret, everything can be different.

Chris: And it will be, but probably in fan fic.

Recapper: Well, that's it, everyone. I suppose there is a slight chance that this show will come back, but the ratings have been really low, so I'm not betting any money on it. In case this is our last time together, does anyone have any final words of wisdom for our loyal audience?

Michael Oher: MY NAME IS KENNY!

Everyone: Whatever, Blind Side.

Stephanie: Here's what I've learned: it's great being hot, smart and successful. It's even greater to be hot, smart, successful and super fast. Be like me.

Xena: It's rather grand to be hot, smart, wealthy, powerful and evil, too.

George: It is not so great to be stuck out in the middle of nowhere with 80 scientifically engineered super freaks, but I did get to meet Rick James, and who knows, maybe I'll develop super powers, too.

Joshua: I get to live with the woman of my dreams, because the antidote I took wiped out all the murderous evil I wrought for years.

Katie: Well, our baby is pretty cute. I might just be high on oxytocin. We'll see. Um, but did anyone else notice the baby might have been... glowing a little?

Everyone: No. (Shhhh. She might as well enjoy the summer, or the rest of her life.)

Jim: If you're dissatisfied with your life, you should become invulnerable and start fighting crime.

JJ: And you know? If you have learning disabilities, it's really great to suddenly acquire super genius, so get on that -- all you kids with legitimate learning challenges. Fricking slackers.

Daphne: Being a teen girl is so hard. I mean even after I stopped kvetching about my virginity, it was a rough ride. You know what helps? Telepathy. You know what sucks? Telepathy. It's a toss up. Psychically pushing people to do my bidding though, that's just the best.

Chris: Oh sure, except for when I want you to do it.

Daphne: You forget all that, remember?

Chris: I. Forget. All. That. Remember...

Daphne: That's better.

Contrivance Fairy: I prefer to show, rather than tell, so just hang tight...

Recapper: Okee dokee. And you, Dr. King. Since you were our final victim, would you like the final word?

Dr. King: Yes. When you're dying of cancer, get thee to a lab and concoct a potion that will make you unable to die. Oh and if you take extra of it, it will make you as strong as Jim, too. You weak cancer patients are doing it wrong. Try it my way. You won't regret it. Cross my heart. Hope to die. Stick a needle in my eye.

Recapper: [Faints]

Contrivance Fairy: [Bows]

Cindy is still down for the count, so if you want to talk to her, email her at CynthiaMcLennan[at], or shout out to her on Twitter. Okay, so she hasn't been there for a month. It's been a busy month. She always comes back, like a bad check. And please join us in the show thread, where we'll never stick a needle in your eye, because Cindy's lawyer sent us a Cease and Desist letter.

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No Ordinary Family




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