Now and Again
Fire And Ice

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Fire And Ice

Shout-outs to Mrs. Kathryn Adams and KentS.

Okay readers, I screwed up and had to have the tape sent to me, so I missed the teaser and the "last time on Now and Again," and the credits. All I remember from watching it was some characters I had never seen before and an old lady turning into dust, like when Buffy slays a vampire. Hoo hah?

We start out in a very sleek looking cage-type-thing with Artificial Guy doing push-ups. He's up to the seven hundreds and sounds a little tuckered. But hey, he's artificial, right? He should be up to this. Remember Jeff Goldblum in The Fly? He was pumped! But wait, there's frost on A.G.'s face and you can see his breath. Outside the little room there's an LED display, which reads "-34". Even with no Fahrenheit or Celsius sign or letters spelling out C-O-L-D, I can figure out that it must be COLD in the cage. Right on cue, A.G. starts whining and complaining about feeling like "the world's biggest Popsicle" and being part of a frozen TV dinner. He's the beefcake part! Dr. Mastermind, all checking A.G. out on the TV monitor, assures him that his heart rate and blood pressure are normal and to quit crying, take his dress off, and give him a thousand push-ups. "Forty years of conditioning" have trained A.G. to feel cold. So the room is -34 degrees, he feels cold, has a frosty face and yet isn't really cold. Because he's artificial. It's a psych-out. "Will you fergit that mind-over-matter mumbo-jumbo! I know when I'm cold, and I'm really cold!" whines A.G. He dances around a bit too, because he's only wearing sweat pants and the usual tank top. Don't you wish A.G. would ever TRY to get used to the idea that he has a new body that isn't human? Or enjoy it? Me too. Dr. M. is hard-hearted (hee hee) and whoops, here comes a knock on the laboratory door! Dr. M. has to turn off the monitor and remove his earpiece to answer the door, muting the sound of A.G. bleating for a break.

On the other side of the door is a gaggle of white-coated, serious-looking people. Scientists, I can assume, though I have no proof of that yet. The head egghead very distinctly states that he and his fellow geeks need the room at precisely 1 PM to make some very precise meteorological measurements. So, they need to use the room. While the head geek is spelling this out to Dr. M., a baby is crying loudly and, as many novelists have written, lustily. Dr. M. asks what the hell that is, and the egghead goes on to crisply explain that one of the doctors is a single mom and brings her baby to work. All the time. Sure, that happens. Most days, the egghead explains, the baby is fine but "today she's a little crabby. As am I." Mmm-hmm. So Dr. M. lets them in, and the white-coats swarm the lab equipment and start geeking out, or nerding it up -- whichever. The baby keeps crying. A.G. squawks in the re-inserted earpiece, "What is that?" Dr. M. stomps over to a lady with a baby (as if he can just ASK a baby to quiet down and it will), and starts lecturing to the back of her head about how this is a laboratory. She turns around and Dr M. melts into a puddle of goo because she's a PRETTY white-coated geek. "Are you talking to me?" she sweetly says, and Dr. M., with birds flying around his head and hearts in his eye sockets, says, "No, just...welcome." Bling! Then into the earpiece A.G. screams "Doc! Doc! Doooooc!" Seems that instead of doing his push-ups he sat on a metal bench and got stuck -- almost frozen -- to the metal wall against which he was leaning. "Let's get a heat lamp in here!" At least it wasn't his tongue.

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