Now and Again
There Are No More Words

Episode Report Card
Alex Richmond: D | Grade It Now!
Reading is Fundamental. Or, This Show is Purely Mental

God I hate the voice-over. I'll paraphrase: An ordinary man falls to his death, and the brain goes here in this new guy, see? Ordinary man lives on in hunky bod of "twenty-six-year-old" (BA HA HA HA HA!!) Artificial Guy, who, instead of embracing the superpowers he now has, whines and cries about ordinary stuff he misses. He has a new life and superpowers, and is he happy? Nooo.

Artificial Guy and Dr. Morris are riding in the limo, again. A.G. longingly fingers the newspaper, and instead of smacking his hand away, Dr. M. just says "Mr. Wiseman..." all warning-upward-rising-inflection-y. A.G. whines and cries about it being "cruel, you know," and "barbecuing a steak in front of a starving man" and "you are the devil's incorrigible brother." First, is that a real phrase? "The devil's incorrigible brother"? Did Lucifer have a brother? I want to know. And, second, is A.G. really getting all worked up just about not being able to read the paper? Dr. M. has a reason for this: He doesn't want A.G. to know what the events of the day are; he's being kept in the dark, like the rest of the public. "My body's as hard as a rock, but my mind is turning to silly putty!" Just the way I like 'em! C'mere, you big stupid thing, you! Now shut up!

It's nighttime, and A.G. is sloppily brushing his teeth, STILL bitching about the no-reading rule. He says, like the dingy ding-dong he is, "Reading, to me, is like breathing. Words are like..." He trails off and Dr. M., reading my mind, says dully, "Oxygen." A.G. babbles on about how he courted his wife with letters because they couldn't afford long-distance phone calls and Dr. M., like me, could give a hoot as he says of the toothpaste spittle around A.G.'s mouth, "You look like you have rabies." A.G. begs some more for something to read. "C'mon, doc. Just a book, any book. Tom Sawyer?" How about Pat the Bunny? That's at your reading level for sure.

Theme song! Unh! Yeah! C'mon! Unh unh! You can grunt all you want and this show still won't be interesting.

Coming up soon on CBS, The John Denver Story starring Chad "I Cried at the Oscars Because I'll Never, Ever Win One" Lowe!

Fade in from commercial. The screen is filled with letters on lined notebook paper written in flowery, cursive script. Lisa is reading her "love letters." They are not pornographic. Dang. She reads, "Hurry up and finish school and come to New York, you lazy wench, and I will never leave you." That's just how I want my love to speak to me -- oh yes, so emotional, not. Then -- oops! -- she wakes up and goes to the closet, and pulls out a box that contains the exact same letters in her dream. She (re?)reads the EXACT SAME passage and gets all googly-eyed. Are these letters intentionally bad so everyone else in the world that watches this (all twelve of us) can feel smug about the love letters they have gotten? The fortune on a Bazooka Joe cartoon is more romantic. Lisa moves into Mom-mode and bellows, "HEATHERRRR!" They have to go to school and meet with her guidance counselor. We see Heather stashing her report card under her bed. I tried and tried to still the shot but the report card blurred too much in the freeze frame for me to read it. So we STILL don't know if Heather's a good student of not.

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Now and Again




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