Hollywood Homicide

Episode Report Card
Keckler: C- | Grade It Now!
L.A. Whore-y

They arrive in the bathroom of death, and Liz asks where Pete, the guy who shot the video, is. "Pete took that?" Logan interjects, and exchanges a look with Josh, who quickly explains, "Pete is a buddy we grew up with. He was out visiting a week or so ago." And where is he now? "He split kind of sudden," Josh says, looking totally like Damien-cum-John Malkovich in this shot. "Guess we now know why." The actor playing Josh also sort of talks like Malkovich. Brett says he feels terrible about what happened, and he wants the agents to know that his open-door policy applies to them as well. Liz snaps a perfunctory smile at him, like, "Thanks for the generous offer, but we're the FBI; we can 'apply' it ourselves." Brett also wants to watch them work to see how it's done. "Pick our brains?" Colby supplies, echoing Brett's earlier words. Josh grabs at Logan's shoulders and grins, "It'd be awesome research!" Josh sort of frowns at this.

Chez Eppes. Amita lets herself into the house and is surprised to find bored, nothing-to-do Alan in the living room. "Oh! Hi!" she exclaims. "Hi," Alan returns flatly. Amita explains that Charlie gave her a key to keep Alan from having to get up and answer the door for her. "Oh, I don't mind getting up," Alan says. Is that his way of frowning on her having a key? Or the fact that even though Charlie owns the house now, he should have told his father he was handing out keys? Before Amita can really react with anything more than an expression of, "…Awkward," Charlie walks in. He's in the middle of cleaning the fish tank. "He's also already trimmed the rose bushes, straightened out the attic, and cleaned out the garage. If this keeps up, we're liable to have a new roof on the house by morning," Alan observes rather crabbily. What? Now he's mad that Charlie is finally actually doing some upkeep on the house? Seriously -- what crawled up Alan's butt and retired this week? As Charlie scrubs the inside of the tank with the fish still in it -- I don't have fish or a tank, but shouldn't you take the fish out so you don't mistakenly jab one to death with the scrubber? -- he explains that the reason for all this industry is procrastination. But of course, Charlie doesn't admit to procrastination, and instead says he sent his "old Friendship-Math" paper off to some journals to see if there was any interest in publishing. There was interest, "great interest," even.

"OH MY GOD! That is NOT how academic journals even work! It's not like a freelance writer pitching to Entertainment Weekly or Bon Appetit or Cat Fancy. You don't send them a short pitch to see if they'll bite, you write the entire piece, you send the ENTIRE piece, you send to ONE journal -- none of this shopping-around crap -- and you wait months and months before you hear anything at all. Any mathematician, even the rock stars, all follow this exact procedure. Sloppy, sloppy research, Numb3rs!" the Evil Dr. Mathra explodes.

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