Jackie suggests pot for a cancer patient, so of course Coop throws a huge stupid fit. This causes Jackie to obsess on the guy -- skillfully crafting apple bongs, setting him up with connections -- while everything comes down around her: By the end, she's cleaning out the guy's fridge and making him pot chocolate chip cookies while Eddie steals Kevin for their, like, 50th man-date.
He's really getting creepy. Well, "getting." This week's insane thing is doing the one-sided phone call on her kitchen phone with Kevin standing right there. ("Sure we'll have fun, but not too much fun, Mrs. Peyton!") But this only comes after she threatens him at work for the constant stalking, including a fierce little tantrum, and admits privately to Eleanor that she might still love him.
When Eleanor and Thor learn Nemesis Sam is a sex addict (in addition to the other things), Thor drops his crushy attempt to help while Eleanor fucks him in the chapel, despite the fact that they both claim to have girlfriends (?!). And Coop is still tweeting away his one-note joke that's now officially tired and super-dorky.
Zoey starts the day scaring the shit out of Thor by illegally intubating a cyanotic kid to keep him stable until Eleanor steps in. She spends the whole episode desperately emulating Jackie in every possible way, but when Eleanor brings her flowers for the secret intubation, only Jackie can understand the weird reaction that follows: Zoey's pregnant, probably by that cute EMT Lenny that liked her last year.
No drugs this opening, just a very intense Jackie walking past construction and straight into Eddie's pharmacy like the hounds of hell. At least she waits for him to tell his customer Mrs. Feinberg about her medications, and helpfully tossing in a bunch of contraindications and tips without even thinking about it ("Don't take any antacids 'til morning. Be careful about getting up too fast. You might have some dizziness. Good luck") in a way that's hardcore and beautiful in exactly the way she always is. She takes care of other people without even thinking about it, just to get them off her plate. The lady stares at them for a second and Jackie screams, "Good luck!" Feinberg out.
"My house? My kids? Are you out of your fucking mind?" I'm not sure we've ever seen her this mad, I mean, she's always pissed about something, but this is a serious seething rage. It's totally terrifying. And he deserves it. "I miss you," he mealy-mouths, and she explains that showing up at her house is the behavior of a fucking psychopath. He says she's one too, then, because she has turned off her heart and he can't, and then he levels an even truer thing: "You want to know what your problem is? You're fucking greedy is what you are." Valid, and we're done. He says, pointlessly, that she has a lot of pent-up anger, to which she slow-burns that he has no fucking idea what he is unleashing, and then knocks over a whole pyramid of bottles on her way out.
Dude, if that doesn't scare you... I mean, this is a woman who will break her own finger with a hammer just so she doesn't have to talk to people about her problems. When you are the problems? You got ten fingers, bitch. She pastes on a smile as she's crossing the street away from the pharmacy, terrified enough to schedule a Date Night with Kevin complete with sending the girls to his sister's for the night. Kevin is overjoyed, because Kevin has no idea that this is just one more Jenga piece in the boardgame of today. But I confess I'm a little confused too: How will one Date Night keep Eddie from crawling all over Kevin's jock tomorrow?
Sam babbles at Zoey about how he loves not temping, because once he was like Jackie and didn't like to get close to people -- so he temped instead of inventing multiple families and backstories for himself -- but now he's into joining like softball teams or whatever's clever. We take care of people when we can't take care of ourselves; we take care of ourselves when we remember who we are. Zoey, for whom Becoming Jackie is something of a theme this week, finally blows him off with a "Sam? I don't do chatty." You can tell she's proud of herself. But the moment doesn't last -- a screaming lady comes in with an unbreathing baby, and Zoey takes control, paging O'Hara and asking if Jackie's arrived before laying the kid down in an ER bed and getting to work with Thor.