Eddie comes to the bar to woo Kevin once again with some kind of sport activity, but Jackie has cockblocked them with Date Night. Eddie starts applying pressure in his mysteriously unpressuring, passive way, and you know that this will somehow be going his way, because Eddie is becoming the wife Jackie could never be. She's his hobby now, and Kevin.

Sam wigs and freaks and feels like a failure so volubly that Thor offers to be his "workplace sponsor" despite not being in recovery (not even for his wedding cake addiction). We take care of other people when we can't take care of ourselves. Especially if they're epically hot. It's very sweet and tender and Sam wraps him in a gorgeous hug before admitting that he slipped: "I slept with a doctor." Thor immediately and hilariously turns off every cute and kind part of himself and goes icy and cold and leaves with an abruptness so wild you might think he was channeling Zoey channeling Jackie. I love how firstly Thor is like Nation of Islam when it comes to doctors versus nurses, and secondly how even on this show, which is literally about these issues, sex addicts are still treated like the eating disorders of recovery. Boo-hoo.

I mean, I'm not that callous about it now because all that shit is self-harming and I don't understand treating yourself poorly, but even sex addiction -- and eating disorders, to a lesser extent -- eventually I stopped rolling my eyes about. I was not a believer until I saw the first few seconds of Sex Rehab with that wonderful Dr. Drew and had to change the channel and go throw up forever when I heard the intake questions: "Have you ever masturbated to the point of self-injury?" I was like, I'm out, motherfuckers. In that moment, sex addiction became all too real to me, because WTF did you just say?