Lenny brings in a bunch of construction workers, one of whom fell off a second-story scaffolding: "No habla, any of 'em." They get him on the table, and Lenny tells Zoey how nice she looks, even mentioning her "glow." She whispers at him to shut up, and then finds a gun in the guy's pocket. Predictably, she freaks out, and Jackie with both hands tied behind her back cuts the entire pocket out of the guy's jeans in one second, holding it up and away. "Jackie Peyton, armed and dangerous," slimes Coop, and she's like, "Do not tempt me."
So now she needs security, and where is he? Pharmacy, of course. She heads on in there and kicks the guy awake before handing it off and calling Kevin. Her voicemail is awesome: "I thought the worst thing about sleeping on the couch would be how it fucks up my back, but I was wrong. It was waking up without you next to me. So... There. Call me back."
Back to construction guy, who is "squishy," per Zoey, and needs stitches. Grosssssss. Gloria shoves into the room and pow-pow-pow rattles off procedure regarding the found gun, including cuffing him to the bed if he doesn't have proof of registration. Coop, Zoey and Jackie adorably chime in about how the guy is completely unconscious, but of course Akalitus doesn't see the connection. Just do it. She drags Coop away for one of their paint-peelingly awful conversations.
Coop shoots Jackie a compliment first up, in Gloria's office, about how occasionally she rises to the occasion -- "when there's like a gun or something" -- but doesn't get to say his "but," because Gloria doesn't want to talk about Jackie. I love talking about Jackie -- and I think I would love talking to Coop because he is sort of mindlessly goofy, like a cartoon shark in a movie -- but I can't see myself living through a conversation with Coop about Jackie. "You're a very good-looking man, Dr. Cooper."
See? Awful. Already hilarious and awful.
Coop stammers and manages to say he's not against banging old ladies before she can shush him -- "I'm heartbroken" -- and get to the point: They're doing a full, citywide campaign with Fitch Cooper as the Face of All Saints. ("There's glass between us! You can't deal with my infinite nature!") This is to attract more insured patients (or, as Coop grossly puts it, "a better grade of clientele") and thus impress the Sussman Foundation, who are looking to donate to "a distinguished medical facility, not a ramshackle urgent care center." (Remember the Sussman Foundation for later, because they are a big deal to All Saints.)