But "The Snow Queen" was and is still my favorite, even more than "The Little Mermaid," which also seems really obvious to me now, parenting-wise, which is also why Gloria Akalitus fills me with both love and dread. I didn't really care about Kay and Greta, because they went from stupid to miserable and back to stupid again like fairytale people always do, and he's some kind of S&M drug addict, and she just has to wade through miles of shit. But just when she's about to give up, and it's all ice and snow and wolves and bullshit, along comes this very intriguing character, the Little Robber Girl. She's everything Greta can't be, that Greta desperately needs to figure out, stat: A champion, a girl who plays outside the lines. She doesn't mind showing Greta the ropes, as long as Greta remembers that she's a wild thing. She helped me out immeasurably.
It's later, and Coop has decided to make Eddie be his best friend, because Eddie has a motorcycle, and Coop totally loves motorcycles, except he can't ride them because -- as Eddie immediately perceives despite Coop's ass-covering lies -- his mom(s) can't handle the thought. Coop wants to have Quiznos for lunch, Eddie wants to fuck Jackie for lunch, but Coop wins, because in his way he is as unsinkable and unbudging and irresistible as Zoey with her heart set on something, so now Eddie's stuck.
Mo-Mo shivers outside with Jackie, smoking and sipping: "My stalker bought me coffee. Should have said no, but he got to stare at my ass as I walked away so it's a win for both of us." Jackie loves Thor aloud for a moment before asking after the odious Randy. Mo-Mo squeals that things are awesome with Randy, they got a flatscreen and Randy let him watch the Jets even though skating was on. (Perhaps Randy can star in my novel, he sounds like a handful. Never trust a man with a cat for a pet, it's like the girls with the big purses.) Mo-Mo, who doesn't know about Eddie and apparently doesn't know about Kevin either, starts talking about setting her up, seriously, and she gives him an amazing deadpan: "Seriously, do not."
Mo-Mo changes the subject to the improbable but imaginative choice between George Clooney's cock and his cup of Thor blend: he'd go coffee. (I prefer not to think about George Clooney's penis. When I try to imagine it, it's like the tux fly comes open and there's just this bright shining light, and like a CNN crawl or a stock ticker. It's like the end of The Matrix movies in there.) "Clooney's got a house on Lake Como," Jackie points out, and the cup of coffee screams, "I have a timeshare in the Catskills!"