He is beautiful. He won't ever know that. You could tell him and he still wouldn't know what that means. Intellectually, yes. But not what it means.

PRINCIPAL'S OFFICE

Fiona's been caught. Grace is horrified slash excited to see her in trouble, that trainwreck fascination face she makes; Fi and her little buddy are just kind of grim and waiting for their punishment. Maybe because it's the finale, maybe because this is a pretty good episode, but it's really effective: That principal's office feeling, the piss-test hanging over you.

PHARMACY

Kevin, calling his wife: "Answer your fucking phone!"
Jackie, looking at the caller ID: "...Nope."

Eddie chooses Jackie over Coop, for a moment, so that they can have a private talk. Coop admits to having lost Eddie's love to his rival in this one case, but isn't giving up. This strutting Big Day Birthday Boy Fitch is one of the less attractive ones, to say the least.

Eddie: "Oh, I know that look..."
Jackie: "Do you? Because if you did, you'd know to keep that thought to yourself."
Eddie: Sympathetic, to a point.
Jackie: "Essentially the walls are closing in. Deaf, blind, tumor, pee-test. It's all happening. Kevin's calling."
Eddie: "Kevin's calling."
Jackie: "Don't pick it up."

She doesn't even know why. He's just on the list.

Probably the best thing about Bridesmaids, for me personally, was the point it stressed about how all your problems are not the same problem. When you're feeling weak or exposed or when you're on the run, it can seem like that. Like your rival's wedding present is better than yours and your boyfriend is a dickhead and your brake light is broken and you treated a nice guy poorly and your business failed and you're all alone, and that's the story of you.

But the movie says no, stop being ridiculous. Fix your brake light. Then the next thing.

I'm not sure where this paralysis sets in, like, what kind of intelligent design is it that puts you into this position where the more you need to move, to change, to get out, the more likely it is that you will be depressed and handcuffed and broken. I guess it makes about as much sense as addiction.

I have realized that, though I've always believed that since Jackie Peyton was the hardest to love out of the Showtime Ladies With Problems, she was also the most important one to love. But you know what, she's hardened out of Funny Righteous Addict and just into Desperate Ugly Addict. It's more realistic, of course, but after three seasons of lateral movement it's not exactly a pretty picture to consider.