Anyway, Eddie answers the phone, and Kevin yells at him about Jackie not picking up her phone -- of course, because he's freaking out about Fiona. Which -- aha! -- actually does make sense, because Kevin took Jackie off the Emergency Contact List for the girls back at the beginning of the season. She actually has no way of knowing that Fiona has finally -- finally -- decided to blow everybody to hell.
The saints go, as they say, marching back into the Chapel thanks to Gloria's manipulations. Gloria comes hopping up and immediately asks if she's in there to avoid the piss-test. This again with that underlying sense of "we both know what's going on," to the extent that Jackie admits she's more interested in avoiding her husband right now anyway.
A Psych patient in a gown goes running past them, and Gloria just yells at her to stop running in the halls even though she's clearly an escapee of some kind. Jackie chases her down.
Coop: "Anybody seen my crackhead?"
Jackie's got her tied down, and smoothly gets Coop to administer some valium while she gives the patient an anti-nausea medication. Of course, he still has no idea. The patient swears that she has been barfing forever because she ate two pounds of bacon -- a six-year vegetarian -- and that clearly the crack has nothing to do with this problem. Just the phrase "two pounds of bacon" makes me want to die.
I'm so fucking tired of hearing about bacon, you guys. Find a new thing. Just call it, it's been going on for five years. Bacon is now the Chuck Norris Joke of foods. The Betty White of breakfast.
Crackhead: "I was tweaking and starving at the same time. Then suddenly bacon. Probably because people won't shut up about it."
A social services lady threatens to take the deaf guy home, but Jackie resists her attempts to free up the ER bed for some reason... Ah. She wants to keep him there long enough to make sure the brother is okay. She puts on a big song and dance for the lady and shuffles his chart around, and then Jackie and Thor steal the deaf guy so he can go see his brother, who is stable.
Thor's upset because he needs to meet what we're calling Coop's "bride" outside pretty soon, but Jackie sends him upstairs anyhow. Meanwhile, Zoey's downstairs with the cake. Hopefully the two ladies will have a hilarious run-in with the bride. I still can't believe she's real. Or a woman.
Zoey: "I had to go to like ten places... Nobody sells wedding cakes! It's a world of birthdays out there!"