Translation: "What I just told you is to fix this, and underneath that I'm warning you that you're running out of time, because underneath that I don't want my best ER surgeon leaving, and because underneath all that, I want you to be happy and I know that you need her."

Zoey runs to the pharmacy with her stolen Urology stuff -- literally this is all she does the entire episode, besides her connection to the old suicide guy, and in both cases it's amazing because Zoey is, if possible, even more consistently wonderful this year -- and then Jackie busts in there, snorts a bunch of secret pills, and leaves without giving Zoey a fist-bump. Sweetly, Eddie gives her the bump instead, and it's a nice moment. He knows what it feels like, when Jackie leaves you hanging.

Pee Lady: "I can't believe I went off like that in front of the kids... I look at the other moms -- Lexapro, Wellbutrin, Xanax, Ativan -- and I think, I don't know, maybe it would help? But I just, I don't want to be that kind of mom, you know?"
Jackie: (Totally does.)

Which is what makes the whole thing sad and why I'll continue to root for her no matter how horrible she gets or how little accountability the show demands of her, because whatever "consequences" there are that we're constantly overlooking and being asked to overlook in favor of the ever-increasing high of watching her fuck up: Every moment of her day is another strip off her back because she is completely aware of what a fucking monster she is. She's uglier to herself than the show could ever see her; we are all uglier to ourselves than we could possibly really be.

The thing about sainthood is that you're in a race with yourself, and your demons, and nobody else: You left them behind a long time ago. So the thing that usually would get you out -- shame -- isn't something you have to draw on, because as an addict you're already so close to being God, and as a genius you know for a fact you're better than everybody else, because the smarter you are the crazier you get to be. The well is darker and lonelier; it's a longer fall to find the bottom.