Eddie feels weird about lying to Kevin about his whole life and everything, but of course Nurse Jackie just thinks that's silly, because telling total lies all the time is her favorite thing of life. She agrees to help him tell a lie that will unwind all the other lies, by fake-getting him a job at All Saints so that Kevin can at least know where Eddie works. I don't know why any of this matters to Eddie, but Kevin is still being annoying and bleak so whatever, it's Eddie's thing right now.
There is a lady who yells about pee a lot. I don't know why she had so much pee talk coming out of her, but that part was rough. Lady just kept talking about pee.
The rest of the episode is Fitch Cooper following Sam around trying to make him love him again, which is kind of cute and implausible in the way that everything Coop does is cute and implausible.
Meanwhile, Jackie is doing the same thing but on two fronts, flirting her way back into both O'Hara's and Kevin's good graces. This quickly turns into one of those spooky addict things that make this show so nervous to watch: She gives them both the exact same speech about how she will never desert them and follow them anywhere and all of that, you can count on me kinds of things, and it's super gross.
I miss God. Akalitus's Michelle Obama obsession is starting to feel kind of racist. But now she's on a rampage to end childhood obesity and I really, really hope they stick with that storyline, because how awesome will it be to watch Akalitus yelling at fat kids each week?
Zoey spends the episode stealing gloves from other departments, that's like a whole storyline, and then also there's a situation where a suicidal guy accidentally got resuscitated by Lenny's EMT rig, so everybody yells at everybody about that, but eventually the guy dies. So, good for him.
It's Fiona's first day at school and she is mesmerized by the girls jumping rope outside; Grace assures her sister that her uniform has always itched, will always itch, the world is a cold and uncaring place, everybody dies one day, whatever.
Nun: "Fiona, my dear. Are you half the Debbie Downer your sister is?"
Fiona: "Yeah, I hate her too. Consider me the manic to her depressive. I light fires."
Jackie: "Speaking of, Grace? Are you pulling out your hair?"
Grace: "Dad already checked. I like it better when he checks, considering you're the reason I pull my hair out constantly. Kind of cuts out the middleman when you're involved."
(Fiona takes Grace's hand and they walk in together, and it's super cute.)
Jackie, leaning into Kevin: "How cute is that?"
Kevin, stepping away like she's got lice: "Nope, still hate you. You're going to have to find something better than our nutty kids to get me going."
Gloria jumps rope, somehow is unable to jump rope, so she looks at her picture of the First Lady and realizes she is wearing shoes which is why she is able to jump rope, which from there it's just a hop to getting those crazy arms of hers. Zoey knocks several times on the door before acknowledging Gloria's welcome.
Zoey: "I have a complaint."
Gloria: "I have many."
Zoey: "Mine's mean-spirited. Makes me feel small hearted."
Gloria: "Is it justified?"
The situation is that Maternity is stealing "all the good gloves" from the ER, so Gloria tells her to steal them back, and that two wrongs totally make a right. Of course, Zoey takes this opportunity to turn into a spy like usual.
Zoey: "Will you have my back?"
Gloria, meaning absolutely not: "Don't get caught."
Zoey: "They'll know I'm hiding something."
Gloria starts into telling Zoey that she's not an open book, but of course she is, and somehow her transparent head lets Gloria in on her secret desire to skip rope, so she gives her leave and sits back to watch and see how Zoey does it. The thing about this -- besides the race-adjacent thing going on with the jumprope and Michelle Obama tropes, I didn't mention it before but the majority of girls skipping rope at the girls' school were also black, because on TV black kids and jumpropes are two parts of an eternal golden braid -- is that nobody finds it difficult to jump rope. Not a single person in the history of rope has found this difficult. So the idea that, to Gloria, Zoey is some kind of jumproping savant is just... Taking the long way around to get to a joke that still makes no sense.
An aged hipster with a fake-looking mustache bucks at an old lady as he's skateboarding past, causing her to yeep and fall down, and of course Jackie body-blocks him, because that's obligatory in every episode; luckily, it's awesome every time.
O'Hara: "She blindsided you? That's what happens when you get in her way."
Jackie: "If you don't stop accusing me of my actions I'm gonna be so mad! Peace out!"