Gloria: "Do you have any idea what that kind of press will do for our profile? CNN, MSNBC. People magazine, I'm talking People, people. You can't put a price on it. So please join me in making fat kids enemy number one at All Saints."
(And again, please, please, please let Gloria's war on fat kids be a priority in this season, because that sounds adorable and hilarious, two things this show does well -- vide Zoey; vide again Fitch Cooper on his best days -- when it remembers to do them at all.)
Pee Lady: "Urine urine urine valium urine."
Jackie: "I am acquainted with urine."
Pee Lady: "Yeah, but you get paid."
Jackie: (Can't disagree.)
Pee Lady, verbatim: "You know how I get paid? IN URINE!"
Jackie grabs the kids and shoves 'em out like somebody just opened the Ark of the Covenant. Their piss-stained feet don't even touch the floor. Eleanor enters and immediately agrees, without looking up, that Jackie would be better off dealing with the children. Jackie strips off her apron, disappointed and hurt, and takes the kids to Thor.
Jackie: "This is Thor. He's my boss."
Jackie: "Take them to the family room, fill them up with snacks, stick them in front of the TV."
Gloria, from out of nowhere: "Don't you dare. Snacks and TV are why our kids are in danger!"
Jackie: "Their mother just unhinged her jaw and tried to devour them. TV is the safest place."
(Jackie knows from endangered children; Jackie knows from rage.)
Gloria, awkwardly and sharply: "Stand up straight."
Boys, unsurprisingly: (Instantly adore Mrs. Akalitus.)
A couple hotty EMTs bring in a guy in his eighties who was found in Tompkins Square, close to death; Zoey notices quietly that he's pinned a note that reads I AM ELIOT GRAHAM, I AM DNR to his chest, and Jackie goes off on them. But as Coop confirms, the EMS were obliged to resuscitate him on the scene regardless, so she can go ahead and stop yelling at the boys any time. Guessing she won't. "I wanted to die outside," he mumbles to Zoey and Coop, and they just stare at each other for a second.
Zoey, of course, pulls the shades; she floods him with sunlight.
Coop heads to Eddie for some adorable relationship advice through the pharmacy glass.
Eddie: "I don't know what to say, you have to give him his own space."
Coop: "I'm not trying to get into his space, I'm trying to drag him into my space. And he's being a dick."
Eddie: "Maybe you have to bare your soul."
Coop: (Sparkles; opens wide, revealing a vast chasm of feelings, feelings, feelings.)
Eddie: "To him, not me! Him, him, him!"
(And then but sometimes, the show does men awfully well; even if this is just a Zoey/Jackie scene with the names changed it's still fucking great, from the terror in Eddie's eyes to the mournful, lonesome, dreamy way Coop runs his fingers across the glass while talking about Sam.)
There is here a very, very Gloria scene here where she bitches at somebody's answering service while also telling Jackie -- in a quietly meaningful, seemingly offhand, plausible-deniability way -- that O'Hara has contacted Sloan-Kettering about a job. Jackie has to play the same hand -- "Oh? That's a good hospital" -- and they both just stare at each other, like, "Which of us can stop this from happening?" Finally Gloria's like, "That's all."
Translation: "What I just told you is to fix this, and underneath that I'm warning you that you're running out of time, because underneath that I don't want my best ER surgeon leaving, and because underneath all that, I want you to be happy and I know that you need her."
Zoey runs to the pharmacy with her stolen Urology stuff -- literally this is all she does the entire episode, besides her connection to the old suicide guy, and in both cases it's amazing because Zoey is, if possible, even more consistently wonderful this year -- and then Jackie busts in there, snorts a bunch of secret pills, and leaves without giving Zoey a fist-bump. Sweetly, Eddie gives her the bump instead, and it's a nice moment. He knows what it feels like, when Jackie leaves you hanging.
Pee Lady: "I can't believe I went off like that in front of the kids... I look at the other moms -- Lexapro, Wellbutrin, Xanax, Ativan -- and I think, I don't know, maybe it would help? But I just, I don't want to be that kind of mom, you know?"
Jackie: (Totally does.)