Sam is trying to piece together the memories of his crisis -- "You and Jackie, like, tap-danced for me?" Yes we did. "Why?" To punish you -- when Zoey interrupts his conversation with Thor in order to talk more about "sexy time with Lenny," and how he's "much more oral than you'd expect" and how he has a Prince Albert, and it's all so gross and Thor is so incredibly troubled by it and it's so great that you don't even see the problem coming until Kevin is standing right there at the window in Admitting with his daughters, declaring himself Jackie Peyton's husband so all three nurses can stare at him and Zoey can tell him confidently that Jackie's not married and even more confidently -- and weird-assedly -- demand to see some ID.

Back in the pharmacy, the guesses about Coop's shoes are ranging from seventeen dollars to ten grand when Zoey comes in to warn Jackie that her husband has arrived. "Low blow, Zoey!" Coop laughs, and manages to make that a double insult against Zoey too, and finally Eddie's just like, "Jackie is married, you stupid fuckin' goat." Coop tries to make this about him, because of the weird kissing she used to do to freak him out, and once Jackie's gone -- wedding ring back on her finger -- Zoey stupidly tells Coop that Jackie slept with Eddie. Coop tries to dog on Eddie for sleeping with "another brother's lady," so of course that's when Sam walks in. Why is everybody hanging out in the Pharmacy?

Thor can't keep his eyes off Kevin, because who could, and Zoey either is or is not able to read their lips. What they're talking about is how Jackie's weirdness extends to keeping their marriage a secret -- "What, Zoey? Today is her first day, Kevin!" she lies, so easily you barely even see it happening -- and he hisses at her about how he paid off Fiona's tuition, will be paying the whole thing himself, that she starts Monday. Before he can get in her face about their overall shitty situation, some drunk ho comes shambling through Admitting and shatters a giant bottle of beer on the floor, so of course Jackie jumps over to grab little Pete, and Kev takes off.