Nurse Jackie
Game On

Episode Report Card
Jacob Clifton: A+ | 1 USERS: A+
YOU GRADE IT
Feelings Every Addict Rejects

Another unnecessarily weird transition -- noodle art becomes pills Jackie's snorting -- and then back out of Eddie's bathroom into the pharmacy, where he's like, "What are you doing in here?" Just looking for paper tape. They discuss how they should not be sharing teriyaki wraps, given their confusing and complex relationship with her husband, and then Coop comes dorking in there all "Guess how much I paid for these shoes!" Absolutely not, says Jackie, which pretty much covers it.

Sam is trying to piece together the memories of his crisis -- "You and Jackie, like, tap-danced for me?" Yes we did. "Why?" To punish you -- when Zoey interrupts his conversation with Thor in order to talk more about "sexy time with Lenny," and how he's "much more oral than you'd expect" and how he has a Prince Albert, and it's all so gross and Thor is so incredibly troubled by it and it's so great that you don't even see the problem coming until Kevin is standing right there at the window in Admitting with his daughters, declaring himself Jackie Peyton's husband so all three nurses can stare at him and Zoey can tell him confidently that Jackie's not married and even more confidently -- and weird-assedly -- demand to see some ID.

Back in the pharmacy, the guesses about Coop's shoes are ranging from seventeen dollars to ten grand when Zoey comes in to warn Jackie that her husband has arrived. "Low blow, Zoey!" Coop laughs, and manages to make that a double insult against Zoey too, and finally Eddie's just like, "Jackie is married, you stupid fuckin' goat." Coop tries to make this about him, because of the weird kissing she used to do to freak him out, and once Jackie's gone -- wedding ring back on her finger -- Zoey stupidly tells Coop that Jackie slept with Eddie. Coop tries to dog on Eddie for sleeping with "another brother's lady," so of course that's when Sam walks in. Why is everybody hanging out in the Pharmacy?

Thor can't keep his eyes off Kevin, because who could, and Zoey either is or is not able to read their lips. What they're talking about is how Jackie's weirdness extends to keeping their marriage a secret -- "What, Zoey? Today is her first day, Kevin!" she lies, so easily you barely even see it happening -- and he hisses at her about how he paid off Fiona's tuition, will be paying the whole thing himself, that she starts Monday. Before he can get in her face about their overall shitty situation, some drunk ho comes shambling through Admitting and shatters a giant bottle of beer on the floor, so of course Jackie jumps over to grab little Pete, and Kev takes off.

PLEASE DO NOT FEED THOR, reads the chapel sign. Inside, Jackie's lying back on one of the pews and fiddling with her wedding ring when Eleanor -- wearing pink scrubs, having lost a boy earlier -- sits down in the front pew. "Rough day," Jackie says, sitting up, with that spritely kidding-around voice she uses when she fucks up. Eleanor doesn't move. Jackie comes around to sit directly behind her, begging the back of her head for forgiveness, and finally Eleanor just stands and walks out again.

"You broke my heart, Jackie."

Jackie jumps in to play with Pete some more and look at the scan with him -- since Coop can't get his attention -- and she does this whole thing about "here's your curiosity and here's your coolness and here's your common sense" and I guess it's cute, but Coop is just over the moon about it. Probably thinks that Jackie is so magic that those are actual parts of the brain they didn't tell him about in med school, at this point.

She has to cut her routine short, though, because Eleanor is outside snapping Zoey's head off at the neck for asking where Jackie was. "She... Lost somebody," Jackie says. Somebody who didn't want to be found. "Were you there?" asks Zoey, and gives her a hug she needs and doesn't want.

FUCK YOU, LOVE THOR reads the sign. The saints don't matter at all, anymore.

She takes the girls to Kevin's baseball game, screaming his name and cheering, but he can barely stand to look at her. "Is this Coke or Pepsi?" asks Grace, and Jackie just shakes her head. "It's whatever you want it to be, honey."

The mom in front looks around, nervously, at the bleachers behind and above her. Lost her last Percocet. Neck spasms. Jackie looks twice as hard, eyes picking it out of the noise like a hawk. She picks it up, and hands it over; she gives the woman her soda without a thought, so she can take her last Percocet. It's whatever you want it to be.

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Nurse Jackie

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