PATIENT ONE

Knocked herself in the head at a bachelor party. Cute, blonde.

Coop: "I've never been invited to any bachelor party or wedding. It is because I am insufferable."
One: "I was kicked in the head by a stripper. This was the end result of several choices."
Coop, verbatim: "There's a hole in my life. When I take a step back and look at it it's in the shape of a wife."
One: "I think maybe that's your entire set of problems in one sentence."
Coop: "I can't wait to tell this girl she's marrying me."
One: "I can't wait for you to try that creeper shit. In related news, I can't believe I just let you touch my face or give me stitches."
Coop: "I'm pretty on the outside, so people don't notice what's happening inside until I'm too close and then it's too late."

HR

Kelly: "I just want my story on paper, because I maybe don't remember who got the magic patches from me."
HR: "And what is your story?"
Kelly: "I gave a bag of incredibly powerful narcotics to a random person, and they maybe stole some of them."
HR: "I don't see that being a problem, for some reason."
Kelly: "If you'd like to give me a drug test, that's cool."
HR: "I don't think that will be necessary either."
Kelly: "Is this HR or did I accidentally end up in the Psych ward?"
HR: "Either way, we appreciate you coming by."

NEWSSTAND

Jackie: "Can I please have all the over-the-counter medications in your whole newsstand? No reason."

Kelly wonders about that, but not with like a surfeit of curiosity. The assumption being, although who knows what Kelly is thinking, that she's going to nurse her own self through detox. Everybody keeps talking about how she's sweating and off her game, so it's interesting because you know she's going to play it for rehab points with Kevin, et. al., but really it's just this huge annoyance thanks to her drug dealer getting hit by a truck.