Eleanor buys an entire building, while Jackie -- in the wake of Drug Dealer Devil Bill's death-by-truck -- does some of the saddest addict shit we've seen, like, up to and including Robotripping and No-Dozing. At thirty-seven hours of withdrawal, she finally admits to Eleanor that she's detoxing, but it's all rather inconclusive, because later she tells Eddie it's been a week, so who knows. She is full of it, generally.
Lenny accidentally sticks himself with an epi, and Zoey takes advantage of the heartrate situation to ask him lie-detector questions about their relationship. It is adorable, because they are adorable. Then Jackie borrows another epi pen to knock out the dad of this annoying trashy racist family by making him think he's having a heart attack.
Coop picks an old girlfriend at random and decides to marry her, creepily creeping out a girl who got kicked in the head by a stripper. Then they become Facebook friendsters, for some reason, because nobody can actually resist Coop.
It was several episodes ago that Jackie offered to take those drug patches upstairs for Kelly Slater, and pocketed ten of them. So Eddie just noticed this and has come after Kelly for maybe making him look bad. Kelly goes straight to HR to clear Eddie's name, but he says can't remember who it was that he gave the patches to, so nothing much gets solved there.
Jackie ends her day walking down the middle of a very busy road, for some reason, so hopefully that will continue to be super weird. I think danger-junkie Jackie might be a very exciting turn of events, don't you?
Previously: This show thought about having a plot and then that idea got hit by a truck. Jackie's got a problem with the new nurse, which means he will probably get hit by a truck ASAP. Coop's parents got divorced like five episodes ago and he's in kind of a holding pattern about it; ditto Eddie who's in love with her but is starting to fuck with her in the most passive-aggressive ways he can think of, because he is pathetic. Speaking of the weakness of all men, Kevin thinks Jackie is a junkie, which she totally is, but she's got him brainwashed to not really care. Eleanor is buying a house or apartment.
OR, AS IT TURNS OUT, AN ENTIRE BUILDING
Jackie: "Well done, you. That's right, isn't it? Well done you?"
Eleanor: "Sure, British people say that I bet."
Jackie: "Listen, my 'head' really hurts. Do you have any drugs?"
Eleanor: "Why, because you're a huge selfish drug addict?"
Jackie: "Just kidding! I meant like aspirin. PS, I totally did not mean aspirin."
Eleanor: "How many aspirins do you need?"
Jackie: "One thousand of them. Wait, how many aspirins equals one drugs?"
Sam: "I can't believe Devil Bill got run over just when something was going to happen. Lucky."
Kelly: "Sobriety! Just to bug Jackie!"
Sam: "Bad things happen to drug addicts sometimes."
Jackie: "Not on this show."
Eddie: "Kelly, you're in big trouble. Those heroin patches are missing."
Kelly: "I don't remember what happened when you handed me those powerful narcotics. I handed the drugs to a random person that I don't remember."
Eddie: "The chain of custody only matters a little bit. This hospital is like that sometimes."
Coop: "I am stalking a random person on Facebook. We're going to get married. She doesn't know it yet."
Eddie: "That will probably work out okay."
Gloria: "You totally bug Jackie."
Kelly: "Hope I don't get hit by a truck, then."
Gloria: "Come work at All Saints forever, is what I mean to say."
Kelly: "We'll see. If I don't go to jail or get hit by a truck. I am still pretty hot."
Gloria: "Plus Michelle Obama."
Kelly: "Yeah, plus that."
Knocked herself in the head at a bachelor party. Cute, blonde.