Fitch demands a cortisone shot so that he can, I don't know, challenge Eleanor to a b-ball game of the hoops, but Jackie finally breaks it to him that he has a bunion -- he acts like she invited him to come out of the closet to her in private, but then for him this is probably the masculinity equivalent because he has no clue about anything.
Jackie: "Hey, New Dad. Aren't drugs the best?"
New Dad: "I love Valium. I am now clear-headed and ready to desert my wife and new child."
Jackie: "That's not what drugs are for! Except for usually, they are. You know, it's perfectly normal to be scared."
New Dad, verbatim: "You know what's scary? Watching my wife scream for ten hours, then shit right in front of me. They tell you that might happen, but you think No, not her. Not my girl. When I was born my parents had a house. I have an alcove studio and about $1,000 in my savings account. What is that?"
Jackie: "It's a start."
(Both are valid arguments.)
Jackie marches the New Dad -- who has embraced the clichÃ© to the point of Facebooking old girlfriends -- up to Maternity, borrowing a couple's infant on the way so he can smell the head of the baby.)
Jackie: "Put your head right here. Inhale, okay? This is what you're gonna smell every time you feel like you don't know what you're doing. Just smell. Okay?"
(It is magic*, Jackie is magic, sinners and saints, blah blah.
All New Parents: (Immediately erupt into backbiting, sniping, worried headaching bad citizenry. It is the way of things.)
*(NOTE: This only works on women. I love babies more than anybody I know, but the head-smelling trick is solely for the ladies.)
Coop, verbatim and deliciously: "I'm picking up a few extra hours this week. Bonus Coop!"
Thor: "We're working on changing our fantasy football team name from Man-Crush to Cooper-Duper."
Coop: "You like me better than Dr. O'Hara, don't you?"
Thor: "I'd like you a lot more if you focused on your receivers."
(Yeah yeah, that's what they all say.)
Free drugs for Lou, Lou leaves, the whole ER team goes into swoon mode about how awesome Lou is, and he totally is so well done show, and also Zoey gave him her pedometer so he can measure his slow sad march toward ignoble death one step at a time.