Gloria's sort of acting like Zoey today, all twitchy neck and voluptuously conspiratorial tone, as she explains that she's doing performance assessments due to some budgetary reason she never really explains. Zoey's doing good (yay!), Thor's doing better (yay!), Sam needs work, and Jackie... Well, of course Jackie tells her straight up -- and without even looking at her -- not even to think about saying anything about her performance. Cutely, Gloria's like, "Wouldn't dream of it." But as always, acknowledging the all-powerful nature of Nurse Jackie means compensatory punishment, and she assigns Sam to shadow her all day. Like, even more than he usually does.
"Always watching, always learning," Sam intones, and Gloria orders them to work out their shit. Jackie, with Sam a foot behind her, reminds Gloria how much she hates him. Gloria says to take it to HR, and Sam sort of meaninglessly goes, "I'd be happy to go to HR!" Like he's warning Jackie. But of course he can't be doing that, because that would mean his murder. "Shouldn't you be peeing in a cup somewhere?" Jackie asks him, and he answers her question with the same question. And the only reason she doesn't punch him is the call she's getting from Kevin.
"Spagnolo needs to mind his own goddamn business," Jackie explains when she gets the story about Fiona's sudden Child Welfare issues. They talk about how back when they were kids, there were enough black eyes and chipped teeth to go around, and nobody asked about it, because they were too busy fighting off pterodactyls and Visigoths and inventing penicillin. They're all about the united front with Mr. S, but then they remember that Grace has finally gotten her psych referral to Dr. Bowen, so they have to split up again; he wants to ask her something but she is done talking and hangs up.
Eleanor ignores a call from Sarah in her office, and then Jackie opens the door, meeting her curt greeting with an awesome list of demands: "I need a town car and a saw." Whatever it is, Eleanor is fucking in. She doesn't even know it's about Fiona yet! Jackie tells her to leave her doctorly accoutrements on -- stethoscope, lab coat, badge -- and Eleanor gets more and more intrigued.
Over to Fiona's Show & Tell, where Eleanor removes the cast -- on "the arm that was not actually broken," Jackie reminds Spagnolo pointedly -- and they do a little song-and-dance ("Ça va?"" Ça va bien!") just to entrance the teacher, who gets to hold the plaster saw. And how does the arm feel? Itchy and tingly. And how would it feel if it had really been broken? (Not that this matters, since obviously the cast arrived a couple weeks ago at most.) Fi's arm would be quite bruised, and she wouldn't be able to wiggle her fingers, "like this." Fiona wiggles, and Eleanor's like, "Satisfied?" They are the perfect pair of awesome. "Lives to save. Shall we?" And they blow kisses to the kids, and vamoose. Nothing's really broken.