Nurse Jackie

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Jacob Clifton: A+ | Grade It Now!
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Baby, You're Built For Speed

Jackie spots them and runs, but he waves her over and actually tries to introduce her to Melissa, and she's like, "Yeah, we treated her mom?" Meanwhile he can't even remember where he found the mass or how he met Melissa or anything about her, because she doesn't actually count. He proudly holds his massive lunch out to Jackie, who laughs at them both, and reminds Coop about how work exists before leaving. He's not so sure. Melissa can barely remember Jackie because they are two of a kind, and on the way to getting totally gross and giggly, Coop fully goes, "She's just a nurse." Even the Holy Virgin is like, "No you didn't!"

The paramedics bring in a braindead stoner guy, and Jackie's like, "I'm glad he was stoned" because he died in some terrible way, and she says something about alerting the transplant team. Mo-Mo asks how she knows he's a donor, and she's like: Ivy League pothead, PETA stickers, et alia? They call him a Trustafarian -- "saving the world one bong hit at a time" -- and honestly, I didn't know they had those outside of Austin. I never thought of myself as so provincial. Especially about fucking hippies. I wish we only had them in Austin, so I wouldn't have to apologize so often. Jackie decides to just lie about it and say he has a donor card that is imaginary, and then out of nowhere Akalitus appears to summon Mo-Mo in a very scary way.

Gloria: "You're gay."
Mo-Mo: "Yes?"
Gloria: "I'm not."
Jacob: "I'm so sure! You're the Headmistress of Beauxbatons! Go write a play. Go make out with Victor Garber and write a play, Straight Lady."

Point being, she wants to know all about gay adoption, nonstandard adoption, what to do if you've accidentally kidnapped a baby and need to act like you're thinking of adopting it by cleverly employing your time machine to the moment immediately prior to your kidnapping the baby. So has Mo-Mo ever, um, heard of that? He's like, "My friends Kevin and Kevin adopted?" (Dealbreaker, P.S. That's like matching-shorts weird. The only one I'd even consider is Jakob Lodwick, and that's only because trust-fund kids are freaky in bed to like a nihilistic degree.)

Mo-Mo says the Kevins went through a lawyer, not an agency -- probably best when you've already taken the baby for a test drive -- and then he sits back, thinking they're all friends and shit, and Gloria stares lasers at him until he peaces. And then all alone, she looks down at the awesome baby, whom she is now keeping in her desk. I know how this show works and I love it just as it is, but how crazy would it be if A) something grisly happened or B) there was no baby the entire time. That is two serious situations!

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Nurse Jackie

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