BUT FIRST, COOP WALLOWS IN HIS CHILDHOOD

Coop: "Thor, come play with all my stuff from when I was a kid! My infantile behavior is a standby of this show, but in this episode suddenly signifies something different. See, my moms made me clean out my room because they're getting a divorce, but at the end of the episode Chief Ironsides is going to give me his kite. Which I guess means that I'm growing up, except for how nothing ever counts or sticks on this show, so I guess it's more like how some kinds of girls never stop coloring in coloring books or thinking that shit is adorable. If this show weren't on Showtime people would criticize it a lot harder than they do, just like almost every Showtime show."

Coop & Thor & Whoever: Engage in dialogue about the stupid Star Wars movies, in such a way as to suggest no one involved in this show has ever seen those movies.

Jackie: "Stop ignoring your pager to play with toys!"
Coop, holding a goddamn teddy bear: "Please don't yell at me."
Jackie: "You're having a hard day. You know what might help?"
Coop, for God's sake: "Ice cream?"
Jackie, awesome: "No, Coop. Not ice cream."
Coop: "A magical Indian? I saw them on the Discovery channel!"

PATIENT TWO

Dances With Roxies: "Meet Fitch Cooper. He's going to challenge your stereotypical stoic nature so fucking hard."
Little Big Dork, getting gay on him: "Is it true you can turn into a wolf?"
Wind Walker: "No."
Sacheen Littlefeather: "Yeah, well my parents are getting divorced. And I never had a dad..."
Wind Walker: "Yeah, let's talk about that instead of my giant injury on my face."
Kicking Nerd: "I used to live in a teepee!"
Dances With Roxies: Currently both teepee and wigwam.

SHE'S JUST TWO TENTS

Patient One: Apparently consumed all the drugs there are in this world.
Jackie: Stares into space feeling like a total drug addict who has turned her daughter into quite the little asshole.

CHAPEL

Zoey, without judgment: "How objectively horrifying that a person would do that to herself and her child."
Jackie: "Don't you judge her. We don't know the circumstances."
Um: Yeah, we do.

Jackie: "Apparently this is the contractually obligated part of each episode where I get totally real on you and change your life and whatever because I'm such a good nurse. This is usually the best part every week, because Edie Falco is amazing."
Walker: "I wish she would just take regular meds for being a crazy asshole, instead of doing drugs."
Jackie: "Sometimes drug addicts are good moms."
Walker: "Yeah, I don't fucking think that is actually true."
Jackie: "Then I will leave your twelve-year-old ass here to rot in sadness."