Jackie: "Stop ignoring your pager to play with toys!"
Coop, holding a goddamn teddy bear: "Please don't yell at me."
Jackie: "You're having a hard day. You know what might help?"
Coop, for God's sake: "Ice cream?"
Jackie, awesome: "No, Coop. Not ice cream."
Coop: "A magical Indian? I saw them on the Discovery channel!"
Dances With Roxies: "Meet Fitch Cooper. He's going to challenge your stereotypical stoic nature so fucking hard."
Little Big Dork, getting gay on him: "Is it true you can turn into a wolf?"
Wind Walker: "No."
Sacheen Littlefeather: "Yeah, well my parents are getting divorced. And I never had a dad..."
Wind Walker: "Yeah, let's talk about that instead of my giant injury on my face."
Kicking Nerd: "I used to live in a teepee!"
Dances With Roxies: Currently both teepee and wigwam.
SHE'S JUST TWO TENTS
Patient One: Apparently consumed all the drugs there are in this world.
Jackie: Stares into space feeling like a total drug addict who has turned her daughter into quite the little asshole.
Zoey, without judgment: "How objectively horrifying that a person would do that to herself and her child."
Jackie: "Don't you judge her. We don't know the circumstances."
Um: Yeah, we do.
Jackie: "Apparently this is the contractually obligated part of each episode where I get totally real on you and change your life and whatever because I'm such a good nurse. This is usually the best part every week, because Edie Falco is amazing."
Walker: "I wish she would just take regular meds for being a crazy asshole, instead of doing drugs."
Jackie: "Sometimes drug addicts are good moms."
Walker: "Yeah, I don't fucking think that is actually true."
Jackie: "Then I will leave your twelve-year-old ass here to rot in sadness."
AKALITUS MAKING UP ACRONYMS
G.E.R.B.I.L.: Great Excellence Reached By Inspired Listening!
L.I.L.Y.: Loitering Is Losing, Yes!
Kelly, directly into Gloria's anus: "Almost there!"
T.I.T.: Teach Instead Of Talk!
Gloria: "...Wait, TIT? That's not gonna work..."
EDDIE ON THE ONCOLOGY DEPARTMENT
"Listen, you guys are cancer: A bunch of miscommunicating cells. I've got chemistry over here, okay? Delightful, well-behaved, healing molecules."
Does this imply, in turn, that all of our nurses are simply trainwreck emergencies waiting to happen?
EMPIRICALLY SPEAKING, YES
Fentanyl patches: 100 times stronger than morphine. Not fucking around. Kelly would have loved them in Haiti, where he helped Sean Penn give birth to Sean Penn and took nine bullets for Wyclef Jean but then missed the tenth one because he was too busy telling us how amazing he is.
Kelly: Agrees to take these magic patches upstairs, whilst Eleanor is discovered rummaging through Eddie's racks looking for a prosthetic adhesive for her heel so that she can go look at more penthouses, and suddenly -- I guess because she is drunk or because they have Jackie in common -- invites Eddie along, so now I guess they do things together, like drink at work and look at penthouses. Occasional cobbling. And I guess this makes sense because they have so much in common. And I guess this is known as "character development" because of last week when Jackie left them getting drunk in the deconsecrated chapel.
Jackie: "Are those Fentanyl patches for Oncology?"
Kelly: "Yeah, I pretty much do whatever I want. I also got off work on Saturday because Gloria Akalitus thinks I can get her a lesbian date with Michelle Obama."
Jackie: "Yeah, you're a real popular guy. You should run for Class President."
Kelly: "I thought that's what I was doing."
Jackie: "Hey, why don't I take those magical drugs upstairs for you, so you don't have to figure out where Oncology is, ever. Surely they won't compare inventory and fire your ass. And I know you won't question my motives because of your blind male privilege."
Kelly: "On this show, it really could go either way. More than likely they'll realize it's missing, and there will be a big cliffhanger where we're both about to get fired, and then the next episode will start with us pretending none of that ever happened."
Jackie: "Look, I just want some drugs. I am as addicted to drugs as this show is to setting up false expectations and then refusing to meet them, in a manner so aggressive it almost seems spiteful."