"I take people right to the edge, till they beg for sobriety. I trawl the rooms looking for the weakest pie-eyed newbies with 30, 60, 90 days of sobriety, wait for them to relapse and then I make my move."
And why Jackie? You know why. The closer you get to the sun the darker things seem:
"I'm tired of lightweights."
He produces a thirty-day coin, from a woman over in the corner who is already doomed to failure. He makes it disappear.
"What I'm saying is, if you need my help I'll be around. I've dealt with addicts for twenty years. You took drugs off a man having an epileptic seizure: New low. Well done."
You know you're getting close when the Devil starts viewing you as a challenge.
"Hypothetically, how far am I from hitting bottom?"
Not even close. This show wouldn't have it any other way. He slides her a single pill, smiles; she shakes her head and walks away. Salvation that's too easy is still salvation.
Shaken, Jackie asks Eleanor for a snack or smoke break, but Eleanor's busy; not "I still hate you" busy but actually busy, and she makes sure Jackie gets the distinction. Across the station, Coop does a funny sandwich dance to lure Thor into helping him with fantasy football: "This just isn't any fantasy football league, it's all the hot-shot doctors upstairs who've always looked down on the ER. It's five grand a head!"
Thor quirks an eyebrow. "And you're trying to bribe me with a Quizno's combo meal?" But also, I had no idea there was a hospital where the ER doctors are looked down on. Maybe I just don't know anything, but I always assumed they were the hot shit. "These guys are assholes of the highest order. Seriously, they're only letting me in because they think I'm easy money."
Thor asks why he should help Coop join "a club of assholes," nobody supplies the obvious punchline there, and Coop turns it into this whole "win win for the ER" thing that is transparently transparent. Thor is unswayed, for like one second, until Coop turns on his Hello Kitty eyeballs and goes, "They're no different than the bullies I knew in the fourth grade, the ones who gave me shit for having gay moms. Dude, they called me Martina!"
It is agreed that Dr. Fitch Cooper is prettier than Martina, but the gay-solidarity point is scored, Thor agrees, major hugging and dancing happen. "A doctor bought me lunch," he smugs to the world at large, and we quietly wonder if this little story, or any other plotpoint on this show, will ever recur.
While God softly plays the piano, Zoey confides about the sandwich key. As usual, the God scenes are so perfect it's no use describing them.