Jackie's four nurses down, so Akalitus gets her Sam, a temp who is hotter than the sun and higher than even Jackie. Zoey's been watching TV again, so she's already obsessing on people's eyeballs, but a stern dressing-down regarding drug-seekers puts her into crazed narc mode. Eventually she discerns that Sam is totally effed up, and Jackie has to chase him off. But of course, he recognizes Jackie as a fellow frequent flyer, which throws a little glitch into what was already a shitty day.
Gloria's still got the mysterious baby from last week, which the nuns are apparently helping her conceal. Coop gets into a fight with Jackie out of nowhere, which leads to his discovery that she also has at least one secret kid, Grace, who is having a serious panic attack at school. Of course Coop runs straight to Eddie with this gossip, because Eddie is his only friend, which leads to an Eddie/Jackie showdown that goes ultimately nowhere -- Eddie being a codependent doormat, and all -- but is still sort of nightmarish for everybody concerned.
Eleanor meets Jackie for lunch even though it's her day off, and watches Jackie totally unspool for awhile before pointing out that however crazy Grace is going, Jackie has beat her there by a mile. Kindly, she leaves unsaid the fact that Grace's crazy is pretty much just her barfing up her Mom's crazy back at her. Which is underscored in the saddest, closing scene, when Grace requests that Jackie sing a karaoke song at Kevin's bar, only to realize something dark and grim halfway through and turn back into a pumpkin.
Discuss this episode in our Nurse Jackie forums, then see how Jackie's bedside manner compares to Meredith Grey's in TV is the Answer! And check back soon for the full recap!
Jackie and Kevin are walking to the train station with the girls, and Fiona's dropping sprinkles in Kevin's hair while Grace fills them in on the freakiness of saints, for example there was St. Lucy, whose eyes were plucked out but she could still see, and then luckily they gave her even prettier eyes in heaven. Jackie's like, "Nice story, sweetie," but how bizarre is it that the teachers would tell kids that shit in the first place, and then invent some kind of fake-ass Beauty Myth lie to take out whatever power the story has in the first place. Like, martyrdom is sort of bad, but not as hard as being ugly.
Unaware that she's going to be hearing about eyeballs all day long from every damn person, Jackie's sort of caught off guard by the grains falling out of her junkie drug pocket and mixing in with the similarly bright-colored and festive sprinkles on Fiona's donut. Now, if it were Grace I'd say let it slide because girlfriend needs a break, but it's Fiona: her ass is erratic without benefit of pharmaceuticals. So Jackie slaps the donut out of her hand and yells a curse word, which throws everybody off, and Jackie lamely says there was a bug on it. So on the other side of platform, she waves goodbye to her girls and Kevin, and snorts the rest of the drugs, and breathes until the train comes.
The ER problem this week is a nurse shortage, specifically four less than usual, so Akalitus has called in a temporary nurse, and Jackie's not impressed, especially once she gets a load of him. He's fine as hell, but clearly there are functions of which he is less capable than one might think would be strictly necessary. Like Jackie's all, "Press F8," and he keeps typing F and then 8. That kind of thing. Maybe he's distracted by his own white-hot hotness.
Meanwhile the car-accident lady he's trying to take care of has a stressed-out daughter, again, and she overlooks her own daughter's pain, again, to focus on ignoring her own, again, and I mean eventually there's going to be a blonde nurse with a butch haircut that's going to come in with a daughter named Grace having a panic attack and Jackie's still going to be like, "Man, these people and their fucking problems."
Zoey's rocking a cute braid around her head, like she's the queen of a forest somewhere, and she's all about the eyeballs because somebody let her watch TV again, and they talk about drug seekers and how Zoey misidentified Dave The Addict last time and gave him drugs. "You like pupils so much, you just make sure you're checking them." She underlines for Zoey the concept that being a wuss is not going to be acceptable today, because Jackie's ability to be five places at once is going to be less of a party trick and more of a way to keep the world from ending, today, and Jackie leaves Zoey in triage, where after she sweeps the room with a face like Gloria Akalitus she nods insanely and holds up one man's severely bleeding arm: "People. See this? This is what we're talking about." Nobody knows what the fuck Zoey is ever talking about, so they don't really react much, but it's cute.