Nurse Jackie

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Jacob Clifton: A+ | Grade It Now!
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Zoey bothers a man incessantly trying to figure out if he's a drug seeker, and asks him about eleven pain scale questions, shining a penlight in his eyes and basically acting like he's a spy or something. "What are you really doing here? What are you looking for?" Mo-Mo appears with an x-ray and explains that the guy has a fractured fibula and needs some Vicodin. The guy's like, "I know, right?" But Zoey, in the grip of her crazy, keeps asking him the questions, with this apologetic air like, "Sorry, but I'm too crazy to be effective right now. On a scale of one to ten..."

Jackie's carrying all this shit down the chapel hall and grabs Thor, telling him he can't leave, and he howls in this amazing way before explaining that tonight is his chance to see Wicked from Row G, which is closer than he's ever gotten. "You're cute when you're ruining my life," he says, and Jackie moves on to Gloria, who is also in the hallway, and asks her to jump in and do something, change sheets maybe, and Gloria says she doesn't "jump in" at this point in her career, but finally acquiesces, and then it's a whole yard Jackie gets down the hallway before Coop appears out of nowhere and grabs her arm, hard.

"Are you seven? Don't grab!" Coop yells at Jackie because people keep paging him, and tells her to get everybody off his back, but she points out that his whole job as the attending is to, you know, attend to things and stop turning his stupid pager off. So he snaps a rubber band around his wrist, explaining that it's a new technique so that he won't accidentally grab her boob. She tells him to put those boob-grabbing hands to work on not turning off his pager, and her phone rings.

Grace is having a shit fit at school, can't even breathe enough to explain what's going on, and one of the Immaculate Virgin teachers is trying to calm her down while she's begging Jackie to come save her, it's an emergency, it's fucking dire, and the whole time Coop is yelling at Jackie and hounding her all over the place telling her not to push him around and whatever, so now she's got two hysterical kids yelling at her, and Coop goes off on her about chatting on the phone when she could be saving the patients from his horrible judgment and she finally asks him to shut the fuck up, because her kid is wigging out.

Coop's freaked out enough by the yelling and the sudden kid that he tries to run away, but she comes after him, and he admits he's a little scared of her right now, but she needs to impress upon him that her child is part of her private life, which needs to stay private. Especially considering the fact that Coop's invincible loneliness keeps driving him to Eddie's side, who is the one person who doesn't need to know about Grace and all that she implies. They bitch at each other for awhile and then he finally rips off his rubber band and tells her, very angrily, that he is a doctor and couldn't give a shit about her sad, weird little secret life, and stomps away.

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Nurse Jackie

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