But the truth is that lesbians use emotional processing to talk shit about each other, while gay men use personal conversation to talk endlessly about themselves. So when Thor brings up his feelings to coded-gay Jackie, it's annoying to her lesbian self because it's drama. And when coded-gay Coop in a second brings up his feelings to his gay mom, same deal.

Meanwhile, Jackie has, and causes, more drama than anybody in the universe -- but because it's never expressed explicitly, it doesn't count. And when Eleanor and her girlfriend, or Eleanor and Jackie, have their little romantic moments, it's the most boring thing in the world for guys, because confrontation ("drama") is how we solve problems.

In both cases it's really about the neurosis of the oppressed: If you are -- or feel -- voiceless, you just talk louder and say the same things over and over in the hopes that somebody will hear you, or even after somebody has heard you. And I think part of the repetitive nature of lesbian emotional processing is the fact that when you're gay and a woman, it's exponential how rarely you feel heard. But we're also trained not to bring attention to ourselves, so the natural response is either to shout it from the rooftops or stay completely focused on your own bullshit -- and both of these look just bonkers to the other.

Emotional processing looks, to us, like going to a well without water and hoping you'll never be thirsty again; the flipside is that sometimes a lady just wants you to listen without fixing: To me, the craziest request of all. Not to mention the fact that it insures we'll be having the exact same conversation in a week or two, which itself drives me bonkers. Anyway, Thor has feelings and they don't matter to Jackie, which is satisfying to see her say, because my God these gays with their endless needs, and these men with their endless needs, and I've got feelings and needs and drama aplenty of my own.

Gloria has recruited these two strongest soldiers in her army, of course, to steal some statues from the recently deconsecrated chapel before they're shipped off to Staten Island. ("Ooh, yikes," snarks Jackie.) The one that Gloria loves the most, a Virgin Mary, she describes thus: