Nurse Jackie

Episode Report Card
Jacob Clifton: A+ | Grade It Now!
Anthony and Christopher

"You told Eddie I have a kid," Jackie says, and he swears he didn't before immediately admitting he did. Just like on that show! He cannot lie! He has been confessed! She touches his face, and then -- as though to reward his honesty -- kisses him full on the mouth! (Yikes! It's like that movie where Winona Ryder had the devil problem and the water starts flowing backwards up the wall and the whole world is like a Gnarls Barkley video!) She looks him in the dilated magical pupils and grins secretively, and walks off, and he giggles to himself and watches the petals drop off the flowers from stinky old Melissa. That was, maybe literally, the best thing I have ever seen. Nurse Jackie is the Cesar Milan of douches.

Jackie immediately runs to the bathroom to brush the shit out of her teeth and tongue and entire mouth and face and area. Zoey flushes the toilet, comes out and asks which one is better, "morbidly obese" or "superobese." (I can't say that "better" is precisely the way she phrased it, but that's what my notes say, and that is hilarious.) Jackie tells her to get back to her about the answer to that pressing question, and Zoey wide-eyes about how they just cleaned up a 600-pounder and it was amazing.

"I don't want to hear about it," Jackie says matter-of-factly, and Zoey wonders aloud whether the cardiac case had kids. They hope not. "Bad things are always a hundred times worse with kids involved," Zoey says. She thinks she's talking about herself. She randomly goes in for a sneaky hug, like Jackie's not going to notice, or because she can sense that Jackie identifies with the mysteriously disappointing dead Chris, and Jackie screams ("EXCUSE ME!") loud enough that Zoey runs away. Scampers, like Thumper.

Jackie finally goes to see Eddie for their real visit, and the whole Harmacy is all effed up with paintcans and ladders and stuff, because next week is the Pyxis. He's in his little on-call cot they fuck on, wearing those nice jeans he wears sometimes, and singing to himself. "I took some valium! I'm throwing a little going-away party in my head." After all, they've already fired him. She asks if she can join the party and he loopily informs her that she's already there, topless. "And you looked fucking awesome!" Even on drugs he believes in the looking-glass world.

Then it's later and Jackie is fucking the shit out of Eddie when Zoey comes running to the Harmacy looking for them, and walks in on them having just finished up, so instead of acting like a rational person Zoey dances around in the doorway for awhile, spazzing out, and Eddie's laughing uproariously while she apologizes, and Jackie's all WTF, and she explains that superobese is bigger than morbidly obese, sort of shrieks it with her eyes closed.

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Nurse Jackie




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