Coop explains about Marco -- picked in the first round, which linebackers apparently never are -- and Thor rolls his eyes. "I know? I'm gay, I'm not a girl." There are TV shows where that line would make me uncomfortable, or at least unsure of the implications, but let's just say: This is not one of them. Zoey reports on another trauma room, where a 49-year-old lady is having quote "pain in her swimsuit area." Zoey assumes it's appendicitis and Jackie gives her the lady. Coop starts ordering everything in the entire hospital for his new best friend Marco, and is of course completely immune to the irony of his standards for patient care.
Zoey is annoying the presumed-appy lady to no end while doing her chart, and finally gets down to the "sexually active" question. "No. Pretty much just lie there," the woman says, because how are you supposed to know that Zoey's sense of humor is completely unique and bears so little resemblance to the term as we use it that it might as well be a different word entirely? You can actually see Zoey retroengineer the entire joke in her head and reassemble it in Zoey language and then fast-forward her brain back to now: "No, I meant, um... Ah, a joke. Got it."
Eleanor appears, and the woman promises she's having an appendix rupture and asks for a Valium drip and some Merlot. Eleanor's awesome: "I'm not saying no." All they have to do is rule out pregnancy and get her a CT. The woman is just beside herself because why do they keep mentioning pregnancy when she's 49, it's so impossible, which is how you know she is totally pregnant at 49, because you have seen a TV show before.
What isn't yet clear is what this means to the staff of All Saints: Is it going to be one of Jackie's caretaker issues, where the bald head of Grace turns out to be this lady's baby's congenital something or another? Are we going to talk about Gloria's crazy son some more? Is Zoey going to break down about her imaginary pregnancy? The answer will surprise you, and then immediately you'll be like, "Nope, that makes total sense."
Marco Prince's wife shows up -- this actress is great, do we know her from other things? -- and he immediately starts apologizing. Again, not hysterical or anything, just calmly and sort of with a deep inner horror. It really gets to Jackie. She gets real bedsidey with both of them, offering food, and it's so sad. He's like, "Where did I go?" Supervalue. "What did I do?" Took off your clothes. He nearly starts crying and the wife just laughs sweetly down at him and goes, "Baby, no, it's not a big deal! Good looking guy like you, you made their day." He's sad that she had to go to work, and she's like, "Lucky me." She's got an answer for all of it.