Nurse Jackie

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Jacob Clifton: A+ | Grade It Now!
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"I Am The Least Of My Problems."

Gloria is interviewing Eddie about the ER pharmacy job, which until recently he'd held for ten years. Of course, immediately after that changed, he stomped into the hospital drunk, and then a couple months later tried to kill himself. "One might think these incidents would disqualify you to run a pharmacy," Gloria suggests, in the understatement of all time. Eddie, and this is an interesting tack, immediately starts yelling at Gloria for fucking around with him, and tells her to shit or get off the pot. His travails, have you noticed, have not exactly made Eddie a better man. Or a more competent interviewee.

Gloria points out that asking for some amount of assurance of his stability is not the worst thing in the world, and he reminds her that he did his job perfectly. All that falling-down disaster shit happened after he got laid off. (And found out his screamingly codependent girlfriend was a fictional person. With a husband and two daughters and an entire nonfictional life.) Plus, he still has a lab coat. They go back and forth some more and he's unpleasant and prickly with her some more -- I guess he didn't get the memo that she's totally sympathetic this season -- and finally she invites him back to All Saints.

You know what, good. I hope Jackie finishes him off this time, I really do. I am so sick of his shit. I can't even see how they can bring this character back this time. He knows everything, in a show about not letting anybody know anything, so he's just like this human danger zone. And he's mean! Malicious! (He doesn't love Coop!) I mean, I like that she loves him, to the extent that she loves him, but that still doesn't make him more than a symptom. Or a stalker.

Anyway, Eddie yells, "I'm gonna rock this shit!" and Gloria prudely goes, "I wish you wouldn't," and then outside, Coop of course loses his everloving mind about it and tries to get Eddie in an eternal headlock so he can climb inside Eddie's sweatshirt with him and never ever be apart, and Eddie of course immediately bounces. Coop says the word "bounce" over and over, locking it down in terms of what cool guys say and reminding himself to use it in a sentence at least three times today. I don't know what's worse, the cringingly daddy-centric way Coop deals with men, or the fact that he thinks Eddie is a role model in any way.

Coop climbs up Gloria's skirts, promising he won't take long since they've got a "wackjob" arriving in five minutes. If you don't know what he's going to bug her about, you don't know Fitch Cooper, but believe me when I say that Gloria is well aware of what's about to happen. She corrects him -- "Emotionally disturbed person, Dr. Cooper" -- and he immediately starts in on the Face of All Saints. His pager keeps going off and she keeps telling him to answer it, and at one point he's like, if somebody's dying then the nurses will keep them alive for him, that's their job. The look she gives him is pure awesome. Bottom line, and this is super sad, is that he's willing to extend the original six-week campaign out of his own wallet. Gloria assures him this is very generous, and then bounces, because dear God sometimes it's hard to even look at him.

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Nurse Jackie

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