Nurse Jackie

Episode Report Card
Jacob Clifton: A+ | 1956 USERS: B-
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Why All Nuns Hate James Remar

So Thor menaces the man away easily, because he's like up to here, okay, with a prominent brow, and Jackie thanks him, and Thor twinkles out an adorable "My pleasure!" Then he leans in quietly and asks if Mo-Mo is still seeing Randy. Oh, Thor. People who date Randy don't give up Randy easily, because Randy is the only proof they have for their secret belief that they deserve somebody like Randy. Jackie tells him to hang in there -- like the biggest ball-o-fluff kitten you ever did see, and imagine the pith-helmet elephant-dangling super-glue steel girder he'd be "hanging in there" from -- because he is a catch. Zoey offers him a muffin as he's going, and he praises her flawless skin, and she asks if he's available, and Jackie -- awesomely -- tells her to go get him.

Then the random guy, apparently sensing that Thor's off sprinkling pixie dust elsewhere, reappears and without preamble punches the shit out of Jackie. She's like fuck and the guys grab him and she yells at oh, just everybody, but pulls it together once the guy's gone. Of course, Zoey is having a wobbler at this point from the brutality and the randomness of it all, so Jackie has to concentrate on Zoey calming down; she runs off for ice, and Jackie opens the first packet of Sweet 'N All, and it falls like snow into her coffee, and she drinks it, and she can hear her heartbeat. If Jackie dumped her boyfriend and left her husband and married Fitch Cooper, her name would be Jackie Cooper. (Super duper.) Just puttin' it out there. (On the Ritz, what?) Just puttin' it on the Ritz.

So then it's later and there's a kid on the gurney, one EMT talking so fast at Eleanor it's all a blur, and then Eleanor points to the other one, asking him to say it all again, but louder and slower. It's still incomprehensible, but basically the boy fell from a medium-to-great height, he's not really breathing, he's having trouble is what I'm saying. Emergent medical trouble. So Eleanor is joined by Coop and Jackie, who come in and look down at the kid, and Eleanor says to call Neuro and prep an OR, and meanwhile Coop is listening to the child's abdomen and hears something and tells them both to STFU, which blows their minds because they are the bosses of all medicine, Eleanor and Jackie, and how dare you.

How dare he is because he has a magic power of listening that he is using to magically listen to the little boy's abdomen, in which something not-so-great has happened called an abdominal aortal aneurysm. I can't even spell aneurysm, much less hear them inside little boys, and apparently Eleanor can't either. She says that A) nobody is playing Aneurysm Whisperer in her OR, and if they don't open the boy's head up then he is going to be a vegetable. But, Coop counters, if he has this aneurysm then he will die. Eleanor pronounces this a case of the Too Many Cooks, and bumps him from the room. He is so miserable! His lip pooches out like this and he kicks the nonexistent dirt and won't meet anybody's eye and he would totally slam the door and then lie and say he didn't mean to, if the doors were slammable in this room, is how miserable. Jackie deals with sk8rboi, something happens or does not happen, things go white.

Nurse Jackie

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