She kisses him in his excitement, and he vibrates like a Hadron Supercollider and she goes, "You had me at annihilation!" He smiles, because he remembers when we were goths and listened to really hardcore shit and would totally say something like that and not even feel dumb about it. You had me at annihilation. You had me at annihilation. You had me at annihilation.
Zoey heads into the WC, but stops short as Mo-Mo's coming out until he explains that the Men's Room is of such quality that he doesn't use it. I was like that when I was little. It just makes sense. Not like at school, or the mall, but other places. I'm trying to think of what places I'm talking about, but I got nothing. Where do you go when you're little? I was not out on the town very often. Rest stops on the highway? Like I was a trucker when I was five? No idea. I do remember feeling like I had to have my story straight, and knowing that "Because that is fucking disgusting in there" was not going to cut it.
Zoey stands in a stall, standing to her credit very still and not with a lot of quaver in her voice beyond her usual insane intonations of words, and she calls her mom, and explains that she cannot actually be a nurse because you get punched in the face sometimes, and the whom to whom this relates is her boss Jackie, not that Jackie punched her in the face but was herself punched in the face. "By this man. Hard. It was awful." Plus, they hated the muffins, which is mesmerizingly embarrassing: "It was... A Totally Bad Idea." I don't know how you fix that up, though. It's such a naked Love Me play you'd have to like pull a Sloane Crosley and make them the face of each person or something similarly cracked.
"They're cupcakes in the shape of the Top Ten Most Recognizable Faces. Thor, you get Mickey Mouse because of your eerily high voice. Mrs. Akalitus, you get Hitler but only because a little birdie told me you like licorice icing, not for any other reason. Jackie, you get..." (I have no idea what the other faces are, do you? It's always just the two.) "Jim Nabors, because of your beautiful singing voice, Marine tactics, and slightly ambiguous sexuality."
Right then the toilet starts a-bubblin' ear and the Libyan attache's ear appears and Zoey's mom is still talking as Zoey horror-movie can't get out of the stall with the ear for a second -- like that shitty Stephen King story where he jumped the shark forever and ever, with the finger coming out the sink, the Lovecraftian horror of the impossibly long finger coming out of the sink, just fingering away -- and she finally gets out of there and then she barfs her brains out in the adjoining stall.













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