Anyway, that's the story of how poor Mrs. Akalitus, by being exceedingly rude -- and again, credibility-strainingly, come to think of it -- as I say being impossibly rude, and taking sugar out of her inferior's hand and putting it in her coffee even though apparently there is no sweetener left in the barren wasteland that is Manhattan, managed to dose herself with multiple Percocets, which were broken and then crushed and are now heading toward her brain like a bolt of lightning. She brandishes the ear and walks away to Get Experienced, and Zoey's like, "Am I going to be arrested?" It takes a second to register and finally Jackie's like, "...What? Oh, God no." She drags Zoey off, offering to let her do a catheter. She's excited. Nurses are not like you and me.
You know what's exciting? Thor. That book And Then We Came To The End. James Remar is and has been very exciting for a very long time. Do you know how many things you have to be excited by in this world, before a catheter? Like, all of them. Unless you're a nurse and then... I don't think the whole list gets flipped, like I don't think nurses hate James Remar, I'm not accusing them of that, but so I guess it just means, once again, that nurses are better than you and me, because their list is long enough to have everything on it, from James Remar to catheters and things infra-Remar and ultra-catheter besides.
There's a sooty burned old lady who apparently felt like smoking a bit nearer her oxygen tank than perhaps was, in retrospect, a properly respectful distance. Mo-Mo asks her why she's so misbehaved, patting her shoulder, and she tells him that she stopped doing what she was told the day her husband hit her for not vacuuming. Mo-Mo says "Me too," and at this point I don't even know anymore. Is he saying he was in an abusive relationship? Is this the incredibly awkward, like Jenji Kohan-awkward, way of reminding us and telling this lady that he is a homosexual? Because that joke's not really funny, and it's also not really a joke so much as ... A lie, as far as we know. Except they both laugh, so who the fuck knows.
Nurse Jackie comes in looking for Dr. Cooper, whom Mo-Mo paged twenty minutes ago, and introduces her to the patient, Eileen. Eileen's pretty awesome. She's like, "I bet I look like Wile E. Coyote!" with her sparkling old-lady eyes and generally Mad Science smoked-face thing happening, and Jackie's like, This is a bet you would win. Coop comes in and shoots for arrogant, taking over, dxing the first degree burns, whatever. Mo-Mo and Jackie look at each other with such a look. He finishes up and Jackie's like, "Seriously? Twenty minutes?" She is appalled! She must away! Coop takes out his pager and bucktooth-hahas to Mo-Mo, "Forgot to turn it on!" Mo-Mo gives him nothing. Cooper asks how they, All Saints, can make it up to Eileen, and she goes, "You two? Kiss?" They look at each other, and are separately adorable and cumulatively and collectively bashful, and it's like a party with ponies you didn't even know were coming.