Gloria comes running through with her new phone, and then heads over to Coop's Childhood Museum of an office to tell him about it. Coop is in a bad way, of course, because divorcing mommies makes him dive into a pool of kiddie crap like Scrooge McDuck. Gloria awesomely opens the door of this dollhouse he's staring at, so she can talk to him through the skeleton of the house.

Coop: "It's a diorama of a 19th-century dentist's office. The three of us made it together for Social Studies. We were up all night."
Gloria: "I'm gonna have this conversation with you once, and only once. Your mothers called me, both of them. They told me about the divorce, and that they're worried about you. This is not my job. You have two mothers. You don't need a third. Get your act together and clean your office. This is a health hazard."

Poor cute mopey little guy is like, "I honestly have no idea what is going on," and she tells him to purge and get it together. Fitch Cooper getting it together. A, it will never ever happen, not on this show; B, that is even scarier than regular Coop.

OUT OF SERVICE

Jackie sends Sam to take care of the PCP guy, and things get stupid.

Sam: "Drug cases are kind of weird for me? You know? I'm just trying to negotiate everything?"
Jackie, not having it: "Really? Sam, you're a nurse. You don't get to choose who you treat... What would your 'sponsor,' or whatever, tell you?"

I love that bitchy little thing in there, like recovery is this Star Trek: The Next Generation deal that only geeks are into. But not as much as I love his answer:

Sam: "He'd tell me to be of service."

So, yeah.

After she tells him in detail how he can do so, he runs off and Zoey stares and says something about how Jackie would kick ass in AA, and Eleanor does this hilarious oh girl no thing, like practically drawing her thumbnail across her throat, and takes off. Zoey is left wondering why Jackie would care about that, and Jackie runs off to go do a shitload of drugs.

PATIENTS TWO

Are a pair of tweens who skipped school to get drunk and have ended up in the ER by falling over like idiots, and now are noticing that Dr. Cooper is not only hot but famously so. (One of the great things about this episode is how it remembers other episodes, like a lot of shows often do, but not so much this show.)