Coop douches around with the little boy Harry, and explains the sweat test -- bundle him up and then measure the chloride in his perspiration -- but of course Jackie already explained it. Coop and Jackie start their usual dick-swinging competition about who's in charge and who's the authority and who's more competent and whom the parents should love more -- again he says "nurse" like it's a swear word -- but the whole thing is curiously amped up and overt this time. It's sort of intimidating, actually, I think partly because the parents are sitting right there but also because having it this early in the episode means that little kid is totally doomed.

Coop wanders away tweeting, explaining Twitter and whatever, and Jackie's like, "You're online talking about that little boy?" He says it's all anonymous, except for the important part -- him -- and asks her if, as a reader, she'd know "cys fib" means "cystic fibrosis," because he's only got so many characters to play with. She explains that "eff you" means "eat shit," and disappears, and Coop decides to send another tweet about how she's a bitch. I love Twitter because it's retarded, but -- like Twilight, or the word "foodie," or 3-D movies -- it's happening. And that is precisely why I love Fitch Coop. He's like the human equivalent of Twitter.

What is everybody? If Zoey were a website she'd obviously be LOLcats or Cute Overload. Eleanor would be somewhere between Goop and Gawker. Jackie is like some kind of role-playing game with giant hammers you swing and kill people. Gloria would be, like, the Drudge Report. All-caps martinet. Or fuckin' Jezebel. Eddie is the cheap bachelor stuff in psycho-looking apartments that defines Craigslist. Kevin, he has something to do with fantasy football -- Deadspin, maybe. Thor is somewhere between TWoP and IBDB, he's too nice for Datalounge. Fiona is easily 4chan or Something Awful, and Grace is utterly totally and completely Livejournal. Sam is all the porn that exists in this world, and God is the comments on IMDB and Youtube. And I guess Mo-Mo is Myspace, now. Awww.