Elaine is totally weird, all the time. "The only room is on the second floor, nice and quiet, and filled with gorgeous antiques!" (Kevin, cutely: "If that doesn't put you in the mood, I don't know what will!") "Hey!" Yells weird Elaine. "Who likes eggs in the nest for breakfast?" (Is that where they put it in the middle of the toast? Fried eggs are not my thing at all, but I still never really understood that. Partially because you are wasting toast, but mostly because it just seems like Connecticut creativity run amok. "Here I have toast, and a fried egg. Two classic breakfast staples, handed down from our grandmothers. But put them together, and you have a novel, fun food idea that anyone can make, right at home! And that's a good thing." Like, are raisins and celery and peanut butter any more delicious when you pretend they are whimsical insects?) She does a sort of John Phillips Souza march around the room to music only she can hear, and the Peytons stare at her with dazed fascination.
I wish Becky Ann Baker and Mary Kay Place would make a TV show. Maybe like a Mrs. Piggly-Wiggly/Golden Girls/Practical Magic deal where they act all wacky and get drunk and do magical shit. Wouldn't you watch that so hard? "Hand me that eye of newt and grab the cheesecake! We have to teach our nieces a lesson about using witchcraft for selfish reasons, and then discuss menopause at length."
Sam is the walking dead today, coming to Eddie for quote "two tablets of Vicodin and some other shit," and Eddie takes a second to register who he is, the person Coop has so proudly and fake-ruefully cuckolded, and then Coop shows back up for his pager just as Sam is explaining that the girlfriend usually blows off his calls when there's another guy. Eddie, of course, knows exactly what that is like, but he doesn't mention how the other bastard in his case is his girlfriend's totally hot husband. "The trick is find out who she's hanging out with, am I right Coop?" Coop runs away and makes hilarious WTF faces and gestures at Eddie through the pharmacy window, and we return to the B&B safe in the knowledge that Coop could be bullied one hundred million times by Eddie and still think he was just kidding around and doing what guys do because he has no idea what guys do. Poor sweet confused little bitch.
The girls are bored instantly by the B&B, because B&Bs are the most boring places on the entire planet, and there's like round three of "let's all pretend we're having fun and thank our parents for uprooting us for no real reason and acting all weird and fucking up our day," and Fiona, well, she just wants some damn popcorn shrimp. That is the whole of her agenda. Elaine appears like an upstate fairy godmother and instantly notices that Jackie is going into withdrawal, so she solves the problems once again as weirdly as possible: "There's a tavern at the end of the road. They boast about their peel-and-eat shrimp, but I happen to know they're frozen!" Jackie's like, we all got secrets. "I have a television downstairs! You didn't see it! It's in my Grandma Ruth's antique pie cupboard!" Elaine's great. You can totally see her saying, "I have a taser! It was hidden in my Aunt Gertrude's butter dish cozy all along!"