Left alone with Jackie, Elaine pulls the remarkable trick of understanding that Jackie is in full meltdown -- honestly, the closest we've ever seen her -- and still effing it up: "Hon, I know it's none of my business, so I guess that's why I'm interested, but um... You look a little ragged... I got some Schnapps! If you want it! I'm not gonna say anything more on the subject!" She stares at Jackie, waiting to do a magic spell on her or something, and Jackie just nods at the crazy bureau's crazy adornments: "...I like your frog collection. It's very nice." In other words: Schnapps aren't gonna do it, weirdo, but thanks for getting up in my biz.
Coop and the Quizno's kid have a cuteness war and are totally cute for awhile and the war comes to a draw. Quizno's is upset because the ladies, they cannot love a man who punches and stabs himself. Coop identifies, which Quizno finds ridiculous due to Coop's hotness, so then Coop finally admits to his own deficits, minimal as they are. I guess this is the resolution to the Face of All Saints arc, but I can't say I'm disappointed. Dude hasn't said the word "twitter" in weeks. Good on him for coming clean:
Coop admits he's lost both ladies and jobs to his Tourette's, and they bond over how awesome Coop's life is now, but you can see the glimmer in the kid's eye where he's like, "On the one hand, he is clearly very successful. On the other hand, he is very clearly a douche. So do I throw the baby out with the bathwater, or just accept the nice possibility that I could actually succeed in life?" Um, besides being about a billion times cuter than Fitch Cooper? I would say yes regardless, because if self-abuse were a capital crime we'd all be in jail. Especially the freaks on this show.
So what Zoey found was a blood clot in the leg, like you probably already knew, which would have traveled up to the Irish man's lungs and killed him dead. They are grateful to Zoey, as is Eleanor, and she leaves them with "this young lady," who is the hero of the day. "I'm not like young-young. I mean, I'm rounding the corner to the big 2-4," she says, and then follows up that hilarious weirdness with a smooth "All in a day's work" when they continue to thank her. Oh, Zoey. You have become marvelous.
Elaine and the girls read Genesis 3:7, which is the part where Adam and Eve suddenly realize they are naked, and invent the concept of shame. She giggles and makes the girls giggle about how they're not allowed to read that part, due to the nudity, but you could easily be distracted by that from what Elaine is trying to tell us, which is that the feeling you've been having, that Jackie's truly fucked it up this time, is not wrong. Jackie's been on the road all day without her precious drugs, and away from the safest place she thought was home, where suddenly Eleanor is seeing her, naked, for what she is, and Eddie is biding his time to do something new and crazy, and the man with the bouquet could kill her or get her fired, so she ran to the perfect pure countryside, with poison in her pocket, and ended up with nothing. And now she's shivering on the couch, going into withdrawal, watching strange Elaine -- "She seems like an ex-nun or something," Kevin whispers -- study the Bible with her daughters; Elaine who knew what she was and what she'd done to herself the second she walked in.