Jackie: (Pops some pills; Eddie approaches.)

Eddie: "I'm not really asking for your blessing to ask Tunie out. Don't let my obsequious, ambivalent approach to the subject fool you."
Jackie: "You're not getting me back, no matter how hangdog pathetic you ask about this. Marry the bitch. Have a million babies. This is not how we're going to do this."
Eddie: "Really? Because I am taking her to the Museum of Natural History."
Jackie: "...Yeah, I don't even need to sabotage this shit. Good luck with that!"

HOSPITAL PROPER

Patient One: Cute girl, caught a stray bullet, won't shut up about her stupid dog.
Patient Two: Dudebro, got trampled at like a Great White show or something.

Coop: "Listen, everybody, this boot on my foot is not about a bunion. It is about something far more virile and amazing."
Lenny: "Tell us more!"
Coop, verbatim: "Blew out my Achilles'. Epic!"
Patient Two: "I'm not actually Bobby Canavale, but I get that more than you might think."

Coop: "O'Hara, can I have your GSW?"
Eleanor: "Fuck off."
Coop: "You can't tell me to fuck off while my patient is writhing in agony and I'm trying to steal yours! You're not Chief yet!"

Jackie: "Patient One, I'm going to do my usual soft-talking competent thing on you, so just..."

New Nurse Kelly: Elbows Jackie in the tit to get to Patient One and do his own version of the usual soft-talking competent thing.
Everybody on Earth: Shits themselves.

Eleanor: "Hey, New Nurse? There's a lot of sharp things around here. Why don't you vacate the area where you just pulled the most massive boner of all time, before Nurse Jackie stabs you with all of them one by one?"
Jackie: "Aaaand we're back. Are you okay, Patient One?"

Patient Two: "I need morphine! I nearly died!"
Nurse Kelly: "Um, you actually look fine."
Patient Two: "Fuck off!"
Nurse Kelly: Is probably right, but still can't win for losing today.

Patient Two: "I need morphine! I speak the language of pain scales, because I am medically knowledgeable and/or a drug seeker!"
Coop, assuming a sage air: "Probably the first one, you have the look of a man with medical training. Let me drug you to the gills."