CRAZY OLD LADY TOWN
Longsuffering Son: "If my mom gets thrown out of her home, she'll come live with me, and then my wife will take her hot 45-year-old ass right out the door.
Eleanor, awesomely: "Let's not catastrophize."
Longsuffering Son: "Literally everything: Xanax, Valium, b-cog, art therapy."
BEST MOMENT OF THE EPISODE (HONESTLY THE SERIES, AS FAR AS I CAN REMEMBER)
Crazy Old Lady: "Good Lord! Arrrrrrt Therrrrrrrrrapy?"
Followed By: The longest, jaw-clenched WASPiest, creakingest, death-rattliest, eloquentest, caricature-of-a-doyennest, hatefullest chuckle of all time. Good God, I can't get to the end of this recap because I gotta keep watching it over and over.
ZOEY'S NONSENSICAL STORYLINE
Patient One: "My dog my dog my dog your boyfriend"
Zoey: "You want to thank Lenny for saving your dog your dog your dog?"
Patient One: "I want you to ask him out for me. Give him my phone number."
Eleanor: "Listen, do you now or have you ever had a problem with alcohol?"
Awesome Old Lady: "Yes. Prohibition."
Eleanor, adoringly: "Yes, it was a dark time in your country's history. I'd have fled. Are you ever able to enjoy a cocktail at St. Alban's?"
AOL: "They give us fruit juice during Happy Hour, it's humiliating."
Eleanor: Contemplates suicide at 70, à la Logan's Run.
AOL: "My husband and I used to travel a lot. Every day at five, we'd have a little sherry. We had such a good time..."
Eleanor: "Boom. One glass of sherry at five, doctor's orders. This whole Pretending To Be Jackie thing is even more awesome when you have surgeon powers."
WHITE MAN BURDENS
Coop: "I identify with your made-up injury because I too know what it is like to feel pain that nobody else can see or believe in. Have you heard of the Spoon Theory? I have that, due to lesbian divorce and a bunion. Also because I am the Worst."
Dudebro: "Men have it so tough! Nobody understands that except for other men, who are the only people whose sympathy matter, because they are the only real people."