Coop, saying something only a person raised by lesbians would ever say: "I'm going to ignore you right now until I feel safe."
(Turns out he nearly grabbed Gloria's boob and only the fact that he's on a crutch for his bunion kept him from doing it; he's pretty sure she knew what was happening, which is the scariest part for sure.)
Eddie: "So you're using the crutch as a... Crutch?"
Coop, after more deep breathing: "Okay, I feel safe now. Here's the thing, I'm gonna need a little extra TLC on the floor today."
Jackie, taking off from her busy schedule of eye-rolling to steal his crutch and hang it on the other side of the room: "I believe in you, Coop."
Coop: Hopes, aloud and fervently, that this came from a place of love; somehow this is the saddest part.
NEW YORK'S HOTTEST CLUB IS THE HOT NEW CRAZY-OLD-LADY SPEAKEASY UP IN TRAUMA AT ALL SAINTS HOSPITAL
Crazy, Awesome Old Lady: "Get Nurse Zoey away from me!"
Zoey: "I swear to you that I am a nurse."
Awesome Old Lady, verbatim: "She looks like someone who gives ear-drops to old cats!"
Nobody: Could ever possibly disagree with that assessment.
Jackie: "Hey, I just dicked with Fitch Coo..."
Awesome Old Lady, verbatim: "-- Ack, what have you done to your hair?"
Patient Three: 95 years of age, crazy as hell and twice as awesome, had some kind of "incident" at Jersey Boys; is now refusing to deal with medical personnel, due to their various drawbacks.
Awesome Old Lady: "Well? It's a bizarre show!"
Jersey Boys: A Broadway show by Duncan Sheik relating the adventures of a group of gay history students at a prep school who lose their virginity and start a Christian doo-wop group.
Your Recapper's Grasp Of Musical Theatre: Let's go with "admittedly limited."
Then: Possibly, Spider-Man fights Green Day. That age-old battle.
Eleanor: Appears, looking 100% amazing like always.
Awesome Old Lady, verbatim: "Finally, a woman who's not wearing trousers!"
Everybody Else: Bows out.
JACKIE'S DESK AT THE NURSES' STATION
Kelly, sitting at it: "Nurses that work at the same hospital for more than ten minutes might as well just commit suicide."
Kelly: Is now 0 for 4.
The Skies: Quake.
Jackie: Shakes with silent rage.
Everybody Else: Freezes like they don't want to catch her eye with movements.
Kelly: Acts like this is tyranny of the highest order; attempts to start a revolution using Twitter.
Kelly, to get some back: "Sorry I muscled in on your gunshot."
Jackie: No idea of what he's talking about -- or at least a fair impression; leaves without giving him a swirlie or even a purple nurple.
Kelly, unaware of how close he just came to infertility, relaxing back into her motherfucking chair: "I cannot wait to tell you of my many amazing adventures in Haiti, where often I was forced to improvise on a Shonda Rhimes scale."
Sam: "Aw snap!"
Zoey: "Fo' real!"
Thor: "Also no."
PATIENT NUMBER ONE
My dog my dog my dog my dog