Here we go! Season finale! Whoo! I'll miss you guys. I will! Will you sign my yearbook?
We kick off with the dumbest, phoniest thing that's ever been on this dumb, phony show. Sebastian wants to start a charity. Yeah. It's for drilling wells in Africa, and I admit that the producers have picked a worthy cause to force on him. He wants to launch this charity by ... having a party! Specifically, a party at his buddy Gabe's dad's restaurant. Gabe thinks a charity event needs to auction off a signed acoustic guitar. Sebastian interviews that it's very important to raise awareness of the problems of water-borne disease in Africa. And also to raise awareness of his sensitive side, "which will increase my chances." Stop talking. Just stop.
Hey, he did! Suddenly it's a PC-Taylor scene instead! PC is bitchy about Taylor not showing up to his party, and she claims that she got into a fight with her mom. He doesn't buy it and complains for awhile about how excuses are no good. He grills her about where she was on Friday, and she immediately screws up her story about having a fight with her mother when she explains that one of her friends had a concert in Brooklyn. He accuses her of being full of shit, and I think he might be right. PC interviews that Taylor "burned him" and that now he's done with her. She tells him she's not his "social experiment" and he whines for a long time about how she let him down.
Kelli and Sebastian are sitting on a wall, and he tells her about how he wants to start a charitable organization that builds wells in Africa. Builds wells? Kelli: "How'd you come up with that?" Now, stop for a moment. Consider the ways you might answer that. You might say that you saw a news report about the problems and were deeply affected. Or you might say that you've always been interested in wells. I'm just throwing some ideas out there. Sebastian goes with this: "I don't know. I'm just interested in, like, helping." Nice! Anyway, Sebastian wants Kelli to sing at his charitable event, but she doesn't want to do it. He presses her to do it and she threatens to punch him in the face. That Sebastian, he's like catnip to the ladies! Catnip they want to punch in the face!
Sebastian interviews that he's never heard her sing, but "she obviously can't be that bad." Well, the kid's got a point.
Jessie is getting her hair done for a photo shoot. Apparently they believe that a picture of Jessie will be a useful promotion for something. I don't mind Jessie in general, but I am forced to be honest: she's not a model. And we see some of her makeup, and it looks like they've applied eyeliner but not any sort of a base. And believe me, they should be covering her face with something. Like a bag. Zing! Now I feel like I'm being a jerk. Which I suppose is in the job description. My point is this: Jessie is kind of weird-looking, and the makeup job isn't helping. Let's move on.
PC shows up and Jessie tries to make him jealous by talking about how attractive the model she'll be posing with is. Then it turns out that PC didn't get to sleep until eight in the morning, and Jessie claims that it's a big hassle for her to always have to explain to people where he is.
The modeling begins! Jessie will be posing with a muscle-y shirtless dude. PC claims that they have the same size boobs. PC is trying to direct the photoshoot and getting on the nerves of the director. Well, I assume he is. He's certainly getting on my nerves. Then PC leaves because no one is validating his meddling.
It is the night of Sebastian's big fake charity event! Let's let Sebastian introduce it: "I'm having an event and I hope to start up a charity. It's to build wells in Africa. And I think it's good. Girls like that." Nicely done. He and Gabe are in Gabe's dad's restaurant. Apparently, Gabe's father was willing to allow his place to be used as a central location in this episode of a nationally-broadcast television show. How charitable! Anyway, Sebastian still hopes Kelli will sing. That's pretty much all the setup we need.
The guests arrive. Sebastian has, as he puts it, "invited a ton of hot girls tonight". It's pretty much all chicks. He works the room and flips his hair a million times. Kelli shows up with her stylist and vocal coach, who I am going to assume will not leave Kelli's side as long as there's a chance the cameras will be on. Kelli's makeup looks good! Sebastian tells her that she looks "completely ... good." Then he steps up to a microphone to make a speech. His words are written on a laptop, which is on a table ten or fifteen feet away. This makeshift teleprompter is not going to work. He reads his speech awkwardly, and has clearly never heard the word "potable" before in his life. Also! you know how he always randomly flips his hair while talking to people? He can't do that, so he does the next best thing: he flips the microphone around so it's rarely anywhere near his mouth. We can hear him fine, because the television microphone is attached to him somewhere, but in the room, I'm sure it's awful. Camille laughs at him in an interview, and in person.
Sebastian introduces Kelli by telling everyone she didn't want to sing. And here she is! Camille looks delighted and takes a picture with her phone. The song sounds okay, although it doesn't really tie in to the "wells in Africa" angle. Kelli tells us that she's accomplished a lot, and Sebastian thinks the event was really successful. Because he thinks he's impressed some girls.
Jessie! She's having a little end-of-year party for her friends. Everyone talks about where they're going to college, and Jessie makes it explicit that everyone's been accepted to a college except for PC. She rubs it in a bit, and he defends himself by claiming that all his schools have "rolling admissions". Some guy with floppy hair claims that PC has worked very hard all year and will do very well. There's an awkward pause, and everyone laughs. Well, everyone who's not PC. Kat tries to bring up the topic of Jessie and PC, and Jessie jumps down her throat and starts: "I think you should learn to think about what you say before you say them." Kat objects to being talked to like that, and Jessie tells her not to say stupid shit like that, and now PC gets to be in the position of telling people to knock off all the stupid drama. PC asks that the subject move off college, and Jessie refuses to drink to that. Then she leaves! She just gets up from the table and leaves the restaurant!
PC! Jessie! Out on a pier or something! PC wants to talk about why Jessie is so uptight. He feels that it's hard to be himself around her. Yeah, that's a good song. I think it's by Third Eye Blind. PC moans about how Jessie is giving him a hard time about college and going out. Jessie doesn't like seeing him go out. PC thinks they fight because they "care about each other too much". Jessie says that she won't stop caring about him. PC talks about how they won't see each other as much, and now the background music even sounds like that song. Do you know the song I mean? It's in some of those Geico caveman commercials. Anyway, that's the end of the scene./p>
Camille! Taylor! They're trying on jewelry somewhere! Taylor has been at an anti-war protest in the middle of a school day. She says that it wasn't exactly skipping school, since it was "a walkout". Then she recaps all that PC-offended stuff from earlier. Camille analyzes PC as being worried about his social status being undercut if someone doesn't show up for his parties. She also promises to give better advice to Taylor than PC did, since she'll be a senior next year. Taylor tells us that Camille does give good advice, if you can extract it from the other thousand things she says.
Sebastian and his father Jeff are walking on a bridge. Jeff tells Sebastian to study hard and work hard and "occasionally say, Dude, I can't hang out right now." The end!
Camille is late for a sidewalk meeting with Jessie. We're still doing this thing where Camille wants in on Operation Smile. As Camille t