NYPD Blue

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523 USERS: C+
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A Hole In Juan

On the scene, we get a shot of a stabbed-to-death guy with cops, onlookers, and yellow caution tape everywhere. Sip asks a uniformed cop, "Did you find a card that said 'Romeo Ramirez' on it?" Hee hee. The uniform doesn't get it and says "no." Then he points out a blonde who's been hanging around the scene. Sip and Ricky go over to talk to her. She's totally unhelpful, saying, "I didn't see nothing, I didn't hear nothing, I can't help you." Sip goes, "Oh, you're just hanging out in the hot sun for nothin', right?" and she yells, "The SUN doesn't BOTHER me." She must be using a high SPF. Sip and Ricky give her nah! looks and leave her. Then another lady cruises up -- Maria Alvarez, Romeo's woman. I guess Juliet didn't want to deal with a rage-a-holic. Maria takes control of the situation. She's super-bossy and I dig it. "Romeo's at my place, all freaked out. He saw Juan stabbed and knew you'd think he did it." Change that rage-a-holic diagnosis to paranoia. "He's drinking vodka and smoking cigarettes and talking about putting his head in the stove! I got a rent-controlled apartment -- I ain't about getting it blown up!" Um, add depression to that too, okay doc? So she makes Sip and Ricky take here there in the car. "Use your siren," she bosses. "Lights too?" asks Ricky. She doesn't answer but stands there with her arms folded until Sip opens the door for her.

At the Bowery, also known as Hookerland, Diane and Kirky arrive. They ask one hooker (who reminds me, in a good way, of Katherine on Talk Radio) where Rosanna is, and she goes, all exposition-y, "Rosanna is about to get in some drama around the corner. Mm-hmm." Drama! Make it gritty, too, please? Thanks. So Kirky and Di approach Rosanna -- a short 'n' sassy hooker-looking woman in a red halter top and Daisy Dukes cut-offs, with total butt cheek exposed for all to see. She's having words (including "Forty dollars!") with this transvestite with such a big, ugly head I'll call her Frankenhooker. Finally Frankenhooker goes, "It's a BABY, you dumb crack ho!" and grabs Rosanna by the shoulders menacingly. Di and Kirky sprint up and break it up. Frankenhooker divas out, grabbing her head and screaming "Oh!" like a little delicate flower is about to be thrown in the lake. They both get taken in, with Rosanna screaming "GREAT!" and Frankenhooker yelling at passersby, "What are you looking at! Looking at my moo-moo," and the Katherine look-alike is all like, "Remember who told you!" to Di and Kirky, and Frankenhooker goes, "Little miss sarcastic bitch!" I think you mean tattletale bitch, but hee hee anyway.

NYPD Blue

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