NYPD Blue
A Hole In Juan

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A Hole In Juan

First off, we get the severe-looking "language and nudity" warning. Ooh la la! Spicy!

Previously, Diane warns Kirky, Don sounds the booty call but Kirky (for a change) isn't having it, Mary whistles right in Ricky's ear, splitting his eardrum while stealing his heart, and after flashing her boob (is this what the nudity warning was for? We saw this last week!), decides she doesn't want to answer the sound of Ricky's booty call.

The usual moody keyboards and pounding drums lead us through some establishing shots of NYC, ending at a church. Inside, Kyle is getting his first communion (hey, nice suit) with Kirky and Don. Don chomps on the wafer, eww. Shots of the congregation reveal every Blue cop. I bet you a dollar this is all we see of Medavoy and Martinez. Ricky is in the same pew as Diane, which is far, far away from the tree that she wishes they were sitting in. Sip takes Theo outside and Ricky follows. Diane shoots him a look.

Outside, Theo is yanking on his dad's nose. "Don't pull my nose hairs," says Sip. "I wanna use the nose machine," Theo gurgles. He's incredibly cute. The nose machine is at home, so Sip sets him down and says, all paternally, "Show me how you run up those stairs. Go on, walk up and down the stairs. Be careful, they're slippery." Theo gets up like one step and Ricky comes out. "Whoa! You're climbing those stairs like a grade schooler!" Everyone loves Theo. Sip point out a mighty suspicious-looking van parked across the street. What are they watching for, illegal bingo games, Ricky wonders? Hee hee. How innocent for Blue. He and Sip agree that it "will cast a pall" over Kyle's first communion if everyone comes out and sees a surveillance van parked across the street, so they head over there, with Theo in Sip's arms. The guys in the truck look just like plumbers, but what do I know. "Don't break balls," one says. "You know who we are." Sip tells them there are "cops on the job" inside the church who don't need to come out and see a creepy-looking van parked outside. The dudes in the van get all crabby, and admit that Sip "ruined it for us," and take off. The driver yells, "So long, squirt!" in Theo's sweet face and Sip gets all bent out of shape. "'Squirt'? Do you have some preexisting relationship with my son so that you can call him that?" No, just eyes in his head. Sip kicks the van as is speeds off. Jeez, he's hard-boiled. And if Theo's sweetness stays intact throughout the whole season, he must have a Teflon soul.

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NYPD Blue

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